


Inseparable

by MAD_luci



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aced it, Addiction, Angels, Angst, Crocotta, Demons, Domestic Violence, Don't worry, Eating Disorders, Ghosts, Happy Ending, Heaven, Hell, Homophobia, I won't tag who has what position so stop asking, Incest, Incubi, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Nightmares, Obsession, Project for school, Set after season 5, Shapeshifters - Freeform, Sibling Incest, Smut, Supernatural World, Vampires, Wendigo, Werepires, Werewolves, Wincest - Freeform, succubi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2018-07-10 17:44:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 31,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6998332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MAD_luci/pseuds/MAD_luci
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This isn't a story about falling in love or finally finding true love. This is a story about two brothers that always have been in love but never acknowledged it.<br/>Until now, that is.<br/>This is a story about something that was always there, never faded but stayed hidden, until it started clawing its way out into the open. This is the story of Sam and Dean Winchester.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Set just after 'Swan Song' (Season 5)
> 
> I dedicate this story to...  
> Xox, who bore with my complaining and panicking  
> Jen, who always kept inspiring me, even if she didn't know she was  
> Penny, who kept assuring me that I could write and was even good at it  
> Basia, who went over the whole thing and picked out even the smallest of mistakes for me  
> and to my teacher, who was willing to help me write about two incestuous brothers

Screaming.

Stinging cold.

Blue flames.

The smell of burnt flesh.

The taste of his own blood in his mouth.

Laughing.

That was Michael.

Nothing changed. Every moment... all the same. Always the same.

Time. No idea how much time had passed since... since when?

Screaming. It was his screaming.

 _Dean._ He held on to that. The only thing that kept him from going completely insa-

Suddenly there was a bright white light. He closed his eyes ( _why could he close his eyes?_ ) because it burned.

That was new. That was different. Was it a new way of torture? Burning his eyes out?

It all went so fast. Someone- no - Something grabbed him and pulled.

The touch burned.

He screamed.

 

***

 

Then Sam was lying face down on the ground. He - his body. His body was lying on the ground. He had a body. Grass. Rain. It was dark. Sam slowly sat up blinking his eyes open.

What happened? Where was he?

"You're back on earth, Sam. I pulled you from the Cage."

He looked up at Castiel. Had he said that aloud?

"Yes."

Oh. Sam was still confused though. How... What...

"I checked if everything was intact while you were unconscious. I also put a wall in your mind to block out the memories from Hell but... I am only an angel. That wall won't last and it's also not... solid. You will still remember parts of it. You will also have nightmares and flashbacks. I am sorry I couldn't do more."

Sam nodded trying to sort through his thoughts and then frowned shaking his head. "No. Castiel. Don't- I'm very thankful. I believe you when you say you did your best."

Castiel smiled a little at that. The younger Winchester always had the kinder soul. "I cannot allow you to remember this, though. You will wake up here again and do what you always do."

"What? Castiel wait-"

His vision went black.

 

***

 

He woke up on the ground. Grass. He sat up. It was raining. He could feel his body. He wasn't hurting.

Was he... Was he actually back?

There were too many thoughts flying around in his head leaving him lost and confused. But there was one thing he was sure about.

_Dean._

He had to get to Dean.

Sam stole the first car he saw and drove to Lisa's house hoping Dean listened to his last wish.

Was he still himself? Well he felt like it.

How did he get out? He had no clue. Maybe Dean had done something, even though Sam had told him not to.

He remembered bits and pieces of Hell but not all of it. He also didn't try to.

How long had he been down there? He searched the car for anything with a date on and found out thanks to a newspaper that he had been gone for probably five to six months. Sixty years in Hell. Maybe hundred and more in the Cage as time flew differently there again.

He still remembered pretty much everything pre-Hell - as far as he could tell.

He didn't have much more time (nor patience) to mull it all over as he had arrived at Lisa's.

He hurried up to the house but hesitated right in front of the door.

Should he really...? He rang the bell because yes, he was that selfish. He needed his brother back. Or at least see him one last time.

The door opened and there he stood.

His big brother.

Sam's shoulders slumped as if a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he smiled tiredly.

"Hey Dean."

"Sammy?"


	2. Can't Live Without You

"Sam! Sammy! No. No stop!"

Before Sam even opened his eyes, he grabbed his gun, which he always kept under his pillow, and sat up pointing it towards Dean's bed.  There was nobody but them in their motel room. Dean was writhing on the bed, face scrunched up in pain and kept shouting for his little brother. Sam lowered his hands holding the gun and sighed.

Nightmare again.

He moved over and gently shook Dean's shoulder. "Dude. Wake up. You're having a nightmare. Dean. Come on, man. You'll wake up everyone in the motel."

Dean finally stopped screaming and blinked his eyes open with a groan. "Wha'?"

"You were having a nightmare.."

The confusion and annoyance cleared off Dean's face to make room for the embarrassment he tried to hide. "Oh. Sorry I woke you, man. You can go back to sleep."

Sam looked worried but nodded knowing better than to argue with Dean after he just woke up from a nightmare. He slid back into his own bed and tucked the gun back under his pillow. They both had nightmares almost frequently but usually Dean wasn't very loud unless... unless he dreamed of hell or losing Sam. Sam sighed again inwardly and closed his eyes drifting back to sleep.

 

***

 

"Rise and shine, Sammy!"

Sam groaned and cracked his eyes open. How was Dean already awake and so chipper at this ungodly hour?!

"Come on, Sleeping Beauty. We've got work to do."

"I don' wanna work."

Dean snorted rolling his eyes. "We can't exactly take a vacation. So check this ou-"

"Why not?" Sam sat up feeling slightly more awake now.

"Why not what?" Dean asked distractedly as he ate his heart-attack disguised as breakfast.

"Why can't we take a break? We've prevented the damn apocalypse!"

Dean rolled his eyes but his words died on his tongue before he voiced them as he looked up. "Wait. You're not actually being serious? Sam. We can't stop! We can't let innocent people die just because we want to sit at a beach and drink beer!"

Sam gave Dean a look. "You do realize that there are other hunters out there too, right?"

Dean scoffed. "Please. Don't you think we would've met some of those other hunters during one of our cases?!"

"We have met - "

"Yeah right. What you mean like Ellen? Jo? Or maybe Ash? Our dad? You might have not realized it but they're all dead. And that's because of us! We owe them."

Sam sighed. "Whatever." He was too tired to have an argument with Dean this early in the morning and while they were on a case, so he got up and headed into the bathroom.

After Sam got out and as he was getting dressed, Dean told him about their possible case. It sounded like their usual vampire hunt.

"Alright. Let's go see what the police knows."

They grabbed their fake FBI badges and left the motel room wearing their suits.

 

***

 

Either the police didn't know much more than Sam and Dean already did or they were pretty hesitant to give out the information - which was the more probable option. Sam and Dean exchanged looks the whole time, both feeling that there was something that the cops were trying to hide from them. They did a pretty good job at it, too. They only got one new piece of information which slipped out of the younger officer's mouth about there being one witness.

"Leslie Wright, 23 years old, single, best friend of the latest victim and the only witness in this whole case." Sam nodded listening to Dean list off the information they got from the computer they hacked into at the police station as they walked out to the car.

"I'll go talk with the witness and you see what you can find on the dead bodies." Usually Sam would've protested because Dean always got to interview the female witnesses but he just nodded and got in the passenger seat of the car. Dean got in too and did give him a surprised look but shrugged it off not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Sam arrived back at the motel after Dean so he guessed Dean didn't get lucky with the girl that he interviewed. Yet. He loosened his tie and kicked off his shoes.

"So I went to the morgue to check on the bodies and get this. The vics weren't only lacking blood but their hearts were missing too. It looked like an animal ripped them out."

Dean furrowed his brows. "So what? Vampires eat hearts now? Or werewolves started drinking human blood?"

"No idea but it looks like it's one of those two. What did you find out anyway?"

Dean waited watching TV and sipping his beer while Sam changed into sweatpants that were too short for his freakishly long legs and a worn-out T-shirt with holes in it before he spoke up. "The girl didn't see much but she said that one moment her friend was walking next to her and the next moment she wasn't. I thought it was pretty strange that they would let a witness live when they never before had made that mistake so I checked the house out but found nothing. She had no weird eyes nor did she react differently to drinking holy water. I didn't check her on silver though so she might still be on our list but she appeared pretty innocent."

Sam frowned sitting down on his own bed. "It kind of sounds like a normal kidnap considering that victim was pretty rich too."

Dean thought for a while before he threw in the idea that maybe werewolves and vampires started to work together.

"Like vampire-werewolf teamwork? I doubt it, to be honest."

Dean groaned. They both knew what this meant. Research.

 

***

 

Sam looked up from a book about vampires that he was reading as Dean snapped his fingers. "Bingo! Here! It's a mix between vampire and werewolf, a hybrid."

"A vampire-werewolf hybrid? Huh."

Dean grinned nodding. "It's a werepire."

Sam gave Dean the bitchface number 12.

"Aw come on. Say it. I know you want to."

"No. I'm not gonna say it."

Dean and Sam looked at each other for a while before Dean gave it up. The kid was way too serious for his own good.

"How do we kill it?"

"Doesn't say in here."

"Alright, how can we spot one then?"

"They look like normal people but they can turn whenever they want to. Then they have fangs like a wolves' and eyes like a vampires'."

"Great."

"Yup." Dean grinned and slapped his hands together before getting up. "I found out what it is. Now _you_ find out how to kill it. Meanwhile, I'll go get us some food. You wan' anything special?"

"Nah." Sam reconsidered that before changing his mind. "No wait. Get me a salad."

Dean rolled his eyes and muttered something along the lines of 'Of course, Samantha.'

 

***

 

Dean walked out of the store after buying their food and furrowed his brows as he got the feeling of being watched or followed. He looked around as inconspicuously as he could and spotted the older police officer from the station leaning against his car and watching Dean.

Shit. Were they on the police's radar again? As if they'd check if Sam and Dean were  really from the FBI but... they could've...

Dean tried walking over to his car as casually as possible and... and he surprisingly didn't follow Dean as he drove back to the motel, as far as he could tell. He breathed out in relief and relaxed slightly again. He should've known better. Just as he was about to knock on the motel door, everything went black.

 

***

 

Sam smirked to himself as he found out how to kill the hybrid pretty quickly now that he knew what exactly to search for. He just hoped that it would really work. Now... Where could he get a silver machete from?

Sam frowned and checked the time noticing that Dean had been gone for quite a while. He tried calling Dean but as he couldn't reach him he started to get slightly anxious. Sam worried his lower lip really hoping that Dean was okay, even though his gut was telling him differently.

 

***

 

Dean blinked his eyes open and groaned as he felt the dull but throbbing pain at the back of his skull. Someone must've hit him pretty hard on the head. Great.

The hybrids probably got him so he quickly started to assess his surroundings. He seemed to be in some kind of warehouse but there was nobody but him there. He fished his phone out, which was - surprisingly - still on him.

Either these hybrids were incredibly stupid or careless, or it was trap so they could kill them both. Dean still did send off a quick text and turned his GPS on before hiding the phone,  in case they really had forgotten to take it off him.

 

***

 

Sam looked up as his phone vibrated letting him know that he got a message.

"They got me. Left phone on me. GPS on."

So Dean didn't know who 'they' were nor how many of them were there, but they left him his phone to maybe - no - probably trap him.

After calling around a little he found a hunter nearby who sold silver machetes so he quickly drove over and got two of those before he tracked Dean's phone. He knew that he was probably going on a suicide mission but he honestly couldn't care less. He needed to find his brother. Sam sent a quick prayer to Castiel, who had been MIA for quite a while, on his way, not really expecting the angel to show up.

 

***

 

Dean smirked and put on his brave hunter mask as the hybrids walked in. The two police officers and the friend, the witness Dean had talked to. He cursed to himself, he should've checked her more thoroughly. Of course the hybrids wouldn't have let a witness live when they never had before. Sam and Dean really needed to up their game.

The girl smiled sweetly at Dean. "Hello Dean-y. How are you darling?"

"Just peachy. How about you, you bloodsucking bitch?"

"Feisty." She snickered. "I'm pretty good. I'll be even better, though, after I get to drink yours and your brother's blood and eat your hearts."

So it was really a trap. Dean snorted. "You really think my brother is stupid enough to just walk in here? Right."

"Yes. And you know why?" The officers moved to tie him up, Dean struggled but he achieved nothing but a kick in his belly, and retrieved the phone from where Dean had hid it. "Because he loves you and won't let you die." She said in a mocking voice. "You really think we haven't heard all the stories about the Winchester's unhealthily codependent relationship?"

Dean scoffed looking to the side. They wanted him to beg into the phone so Sam would run in here flailing his arms. Dean wouldn't give in. He wouldn't beg. They would have to make him.

 

***

 

Dean spit out the blood that was filling his mouth again. The officers had been working him through for what felt like years already and Dean was pretty sure that he was on the verge of dying. He couldn't think, breathe, let alone move, properly. The only thing he could do was mutter "Sammy" before he passed out.

The younger police officer ended the call to Sam and eyed the man on the floor. "Dude, did you kill him?"

"No. He's breathing... only barely though." They grinned at each other. Just what Leslie, their alpha, had wanted.

Right then she walked in smirking. "Good work, boys. The other one is coming and probably already losing his mind. Get ready for dinner time."

They chuckled and left Dean on the floor to go get ready for Sam.

 

***

 

Sam threw the phone onto the passenger seat and sped the car down the deserted road with his jaw clenched. Dean never sounded like that, like he had given up or was about to die in peace. Never, unless he really was at the edge of death's door.

Sam had had a plan in his head, he really did, but as soon as he had heard Dean's voice, every sane thought left his mind leaving back the murderous instinct to kill everything that had dared to touch his big brother.

Sam's eyes were deadly as he pushed down on the gas pedal.

 

***

 

He checked everything as quickly as he could before he headed inside the run-down warehouse. Even the last bit of self-control that he had, left his body as he saw the bloodied and passed-out form of Dean on the floor.

He threw caution into the wind and ran over to his brother but he got stopped by one of the police officers who blocked the way to Dean. Sam didn't hesitate and before the hybrid could even understand what was happening his head rolled to the floor and his body slumped down.

Sam let himself fall on the ground as soon as he reached Dean and cradled the broken body into his arms. Sam started cussing inwardly, tears shooting into his eyes, and talking softly to Dean trying to wake him up, and he was so engrossed in doing that, that he didn't even notice the trench coat wearing angel appear to kill the second officer that had come up behind Sam without the man noticing.

"Sam. Move aside so I can heal him."

None of them noticed the girl slipping out of the warehouse. Sam startled and held Dean so, that Castiel could see him and heal him.

The angel touched the hunter's forehead healing the wounds but Dean stayed unconscious.

"He is resting." The angel explained and Sam looked up with a thankful smile.

"Thank you, Ca-"

And within a blink, he was gone.

 

***

 

Sam carried Dean's body into the motel room and onto his bed in silence. He stripped Dean down to his boxers first before he did the same and slid into bed with his brother without hesitation.

They haven't slept in the same bed for a long time but Sam needed the reassurance that his brother was alive and breathing next to him. Dean started a little but didn't protest as Sam pulled him into his arms, too exhausted to do anything but drift off again almost instantly.

"God, Dean. I nearly lost you... again. If Cas hadn't..." He didn't even want to think about that possibility. "Don't you dare ever do that again, you hear me? Freaking Jerk, that's what you are." He said quietly with tears streaming down his face.

"Bitch." Dean muttered back sleepily before falling asleep.

Sam was surprised and slightly embarrassed that Dean had heard all of that, so he made sure that he was really asleep this time before he muttered a soft "Can't live without you" then let sleep take over him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you believe it or not, I came up with the idea of the "werepire" before it was in the show xD Obviously I did change the chapter a bit after seeing the episode and added the whole calling-it-a-werepire thing.


	3. As Close To Perfect As a Winchester Can Get

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason i really like this chapter. Hope you enjoy it too :)

They didn't talk about the night they slept together. There was nothing wrong with it anyway; Dean nearly died and Sam had needed the comfort.

Only, it kept happening from that night on, without having the excuse of near-death-experiences. Sam got into bed with Dean without any reason to and Dean let him. It was like they were kids again. The difference was that in the mornings they'd get up at different times to avoid the awkwardness and continued with their days as usual.

Sam wondered though, if there wasn't anything wrong with it, why would there be an awkwardness they needed to avoid..?

 _Because you are both adults and your feelings towards your brother aren't just brotherly,_ said a small voice in Sam's head but he told that one to shut the fuck up.

At least it helped them both with their nightmares. Dean barely woke up screaming in the middle of the night anymore, but when he did, Sam was there to coax him back to sleep. It helped them both, so why did it feel like it was something they shouldn't be doing?

 

***

 

"Hey Dean, check this out."

Sam waited for Dean to look up from the burger which he was devouring in the small diner they stopped at for lunch before continuing: "Two men disappeared in the woods a few days ago and haven't been found since. Same happened a month ago, the month before that one and the month before that one and so on back to six months ago when the disappearances started. Always two men between 20 and 40 years old. The rangers say that they got lost and died or got attacked by wild animals. The police stick to their serial-killer theory."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Of course. So you think... what? A werewolf?"

"Looks like it if we look at the monthly cycle and that the disappearances happened ten days around the full-moon at most."

"Pretty wide shot."

"Well we have a survivor. There's a girl who went with the guys that disappeared last. She got away without a scratch on her."

Dean finished his burger and got up paying for their food. "What are we waiting for then? And this time we're going to be more careful with the survivor girl."

Sam nodded in agreement and got up packing his laptop and followed Dean out of the diner leaving his untouched salad back.

 

***

 

Wenatchee National Forest, Washington.

The rangers stuck to their story that the campers got lost or died because they disturbed the wild life, which consisted of deer and snakes and very few black bears.

Very believable cover story, Sam thought rolling his eyes and shaking his head. Sam and Dean had been able to tell that those rangers were clueless and scared shitless about the incidents so they tried to find a reason that wouldn't put them in danger of losing their jobs.

Good for them.

They needed to interview that survivor now as they were pretty much just as clueless. There was nothing indicating that it was a supernatural being besides the full moon thing. It could be just as well a serial-killer like the police said. But they knew better than to just trust that. They made their way to Donna Todd, the girl that survived, and Sam tried to ignore the uneasy feeling in his gut, which had nothing to do with the lack of food in there.

 

***

 

"Hello Miss Todd. I'm Dean and this is my partner Sam, we're here to investigate the case of your friends that are missing."

They went over the usual routine of showing their badges, getting invited inside and asking their questions. She was a pretty smart and also witty woman so it took them quite a while for her to open up and tell them the details they needed to know.

Dean was a little startled to find out that the two men were gay but otherwise the interview didn't tell them a lot. The men disappeared during the night, probably went away to have some private time, which explains the lack of signs of an attack at their tents. They also didn't just run away because, according to Donna, they had left everything behind in their tent.

They thanked her and exited the house feeling kind of lost with how little useful information they had gotten. They went back to the motel room they were staying at and started changing into more comfortable clothes. As Sam looked over to grab his jeans he couldn't help but give Dean an appreciative once-over.

Sam could completely understand all the women throwing themselves at his older brother. He looked really... great - and Sam meant that in a totally objective and non-sexual way of course - but he'd never tell Dean that though. He was already on a high horse - no need to make it worse.

"So. We going camping tonight?"

Sam blinked up at Dean getting pulled out of his thoughts and tried to focus on what Dean had said but the slow smirk forming on Dean's lips told him that he was too slow. "Who were ya thinking about?"

Sam blushed and continued getting dressed. "What? Nobody."

"Yeah right. Dude I know that look. Was it Megan Fox?"

"No."

"George Clooney?"

"What- Dean! No! Just because you like to think about dick-" He didn't get to finish because suddenly there was a pair of boxers flying into his face.

"Ew! Dean you're so gross! I can't believe.." Dean couldn't help but think that the girly squeak and bitch-face was totally worth the little temper tantrum Sam threw after that.

After that they settled on each of their beds drinking beer to discuss the case. "I'm not sure if we should already go, Dean. I mean we barely have any proof that it is a werewolf."

"What else do you want us to do? Sit around and wait for another two men to disappear? No way, man. We're going up there tonight."

Sam sighed. Dean had a point but... it was too dangerous. Too much could go wrong. But Sam could already tell by the set of Dean's jaw that an argument wouldn't get Sam anywhere right now. "Fine."

Dean gave Sam a satisfied smirk and started to pack their weapons and the most useful books. Meanwhile, Sam packed their camping gear. As they were sure they had everything, Dean gave Sam a grin. "Let's go camping, Sammy."

 

***

 

Sam looked out of the window as they drove to the woods, watching the blurry picture of trees fade into each other. Getting in wouldn't be that difficult, they'd just have to sneak deeper into the illegal parts of the woods without being caught.

Sam didn't like camping. It reminded him too much of when he was younger and they went camping with Bobby and Dad. He had hated it back then. They went to hunt in the woods, not monsters but innocent animals.

Sam still remembered the beautiful deer in the clearing nibbling on some plant. It wasn't harming anyone and suddenly it fell to the ground as a shot ripped through the quiet of the forest. He had watched the crimson blood flow out of the wound and the deer was still twitching, the fight to survive not having left it yet. Another shot and the deer was eerily quiet.

Young Sammy hadn't even realized that he was crying until Dean was pulling him into a tight embrace and telling him to be quiet so Dad wouldn't catch him crying. 'Real men don't cry, son', was what John used to say. Dean had held him and wiped his tears away promising Sammy that it was in a better place now, even though Dean couldn't possibly know that. At least it had helped Sam to calm down.

From then on Dean had always found an excuse to stay home with Sammy when Dad or Bobby went to the forest.

Sam jumped as the door of the driver's side slammed closed and he returned to the here and now. He got slowly out of the Impala grabbing his duffel and looked around the parking area for campers. There were barely any other cars there.

Good. The less people the better.

"C'mon Sammy." Dean yelled from a little further away already heading into the direction of the camping area and Sam hurried to follow. Dean looked around making sure that nobody saw them or followed them before they started making their way deeper into the woods.

After finding a quite hidden and safe spot they put up their tent and some protection sigils around the place. Then they waited for nightfall, hoping the hunt would go smoothly.

 

***

 

Of course the hunt didn't go smoothly.

Sam would have told Dean 'I told you so' if he wasn't so banged up from the fight. It had been a fucking Wendigo and not a Werewolf. They should've done more research but it was too late for that now.

Not having been prepared for a Wendigo they got separated pretty early on which was their biggest mistake. Soon they were at great disadvantage and trapped by the Wendigo. To add salt to the wound this Wendigo was nastier, quicker and pickier with its victims than the one they had hunted years ago.

But luckily like many other monsters it underestimated the Winchesters and left them alone for a while in its den. They got free in a couple minutes - having their knives not taken from them made things really easy - and discussed quickly their game plan. Sam played the bait getting the monster as close to their equipment as possible and Dean lit the bitch up from behind.

Sure, the hunt could've gone miserably wrong but in the end they survived and killed the monster so it couldn't hurt anyone else anymore, which was the most important point.

 

***

 

Sam and Dean made their way to their tent still weak from the deep wounds the Wendigo had inflicted them with. Even though Dean's wounds were worse than Sam's, the over-protective side of his big brother wouldn't let Sam take care of Dean first.

After making sure the other one wasn't bleeding out and stitched up the deep cuts, they ate the sandwiches they had brought with them and drank the Jack Daniel's they had used to clean their wounds to celebrate that they didn't die. Again.

They sat in front of their tent, passing the bottle of Jack between each other and watched the clear night sky. The stars were better visible out here than in the towns or cities and they enjoyed the comfortable silence between them with the slight breeze ruffling up Sam's hair. It was as close to a perfect night as the Winchesters could get.

A while later it got colder and they grew tired so they climbed back into the tent they shared and joined their sleeping bags to one so they wouldn't freeze to death during the night. Sam cuddled up to Dean tucking his face into the crook of Dean's neck and Dean even allowed it without protesting as he was still feeling the slight buzz of the alcohol and the adrenaline from the kill running through his body.

"Dean?" Sam spoke up quietly and his words were a little slurred.

"Hm?"

"I like... this. I mean... the quiet and stuff. Not the nearly dying part."

"Mhm. Yeah, me too." Dean didn't really sound very awake anymore.

"You sleepy?"

Dean made an affirmative sound and Sam sighed softly. "Okay. Goodnight, Dean."

"Night, Sammy."

Sam watched his brother's face relax as he drifted off to sleep in the barely present light of the stars and the moon that shone through the small opening in their tent. Dean looked so peaceful and almost innocent when he was asleep and not having one of his nightmares. It hurt to think that Dean never really had a chance to be innocent, having been dragged into the hunter's life way too early by an obsessed alcoholic that mourned the loss of his wife.

Sam pushed the negative thought aside and focused on Dean's truly beautiful face. Huh. He must be pretty drunk if he considered Dean _beautiful_. Luckily he didn't say it out loud as he would've been killed for calling Dean something so girly. Sam's eyes wandered over the closed eyes with the girlishly long lashes, the slightly crooked nose, the cheeks that were covered with those cute freckles that Dean disliked so much, the perfectly shaped jaw that was covered with a dusty layer of stubble to those plump and pouty lips that seemed so soft and damn kissable...

Okay, Sammy. Time to sleep now. Those thoughts were surely not appropriate nor very brotherly nor even a bit sober.

Sam closed his eyes and leaned into the built form of Dean. He could smell whiskey, burnt flesh, sweat and something, underneath all of that, that was just completely Dean on him.

He smiled softly before he drifted off into peaceful sleep.


	4. The Cage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: In this chapter there are Graphic Depictions of Violence, Non-Con/Rape and just torture in general.

Sam's nightmares had lessened after Dean and him had started sharing a bed again. But there were still nights that would rip that security out from under his feet, even though he was safe with Dean. The nights Sam had nightmares on were different from the nights Dean had ones.

While Dean writhed  and turned in bed restlessly, calling out for Sam during his sleep, Sam would tense up, curl his hands into tight fists and he would be so still one wouldn't even be able to hear him breathe.

Dean didn't wake up every time but he did the first time Sam had a nightmare while sleeping in the same bed as him. It happened just a few days after the Wendigo hunt while they were passing through towns searching for a new case.

 

***

 

Dean woke up blinking his eyes open in confusion wondering what had pulled him out of his sleep. He looked around the dark motel room trying to find the disturbance as he noticed Sam next to him.

He recognized the signs instantly and shook the younger man awake. "Sam. Hey Sammy, wake up."

Sam made an annoyed sound and blinked up at his brother with big disoriented eyes before realization dawned on him.

"Uh, thanks. I'm good. Go back to sleep." Sam said groggily and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"What was it about?" Dean asked quietly and Sam just shrugged in response not awake enough to make up a lie or give a snarky reply. "Sam. Tell me. This one seemed worse than your usual ones."

After a pause Sam replied looking over to the window. "Hell. The Cage." He shrugged again seemingly nonchalantly. "The usual."

Dean didn't make a comment but couldn't help the guilt that washed over him at the fact that he hadn't been able to protect his brother from that. It was his job to take care of Sam and he had failed miserably once again.

"You gonna sleep some more?"

Sam shook his head 'no' before he got up heading into the bathroom and locking the door behind him.

Dean laid back down knowing that Sam would stay in there for some time now.

Dean fell asleep a few moments later with his mind on Sam.

Sam on the other hand was staring into the mirror at the pale man with the bloodshot eyes that stared back at him, remembering and reliving his usual nightmare.

It was always the same.

 

***

 

Sam was dangling in the air hung up by his bound hands.

His wrists were bleeding from the tight ropes that were cutting into his skin, his arms and shoulders were aching from the exhaustion and were hurting because of the whippings he had received.

The burning cold fire was licking up his naked body as Michael rounded him smirking.

"Sammy, Sammy... You do realize that all this is your own fault, right? We wouldn't be here if you just had _listened_."

Sam didn't really care about all of this, as long as he could keep Michael's attention off of Adam who was curled up sobbing in a corner, he'd take whatever Michael did to him.

Lucifer just stood somewhere staring into nothingness most of the time but if he did lash out he always let his anger out on Sam because Adam had been his brother's vessel and he loved Michael after all.

Sam was the dirty freak in midst of them.

Lucifer snorted and rolled his eyes at Michael's words.

Michael tortured him with tools Sam couldn't even name. They hurt terribly.

Some left him bruised and bleeding all over and some didn't even leave a mark on his skin.

Sam tried to hold back his gasps and moans of pain but it was impossible considering how wrung out he already was.

Michael kept doing those horrible... horrible things to him.

He kept slicing him up, burning his flesh, stabbing into his stomach over and over and ripping off his nails one by one. He would rip out Sam's intestines and feed them to him making Sam throw up his own intestines (Michael found that one especially amusing for some reason).

He would be using invisible tools that had Sam wailing like a dying animal.

Michael would also fuck Sam, call him names and make clear just how fucked-up Sam was by getting him get hard during those sessions.

One might think that the archangel would be too disgusted to touch Sam in such manner but being held captive in the Cage made his morals and sanity disappear.

The worst part was that Sam healed as soon as the pain started fading giving Michael the opportunity to start all over again. Michael would keep going like this until Sam was too powerless to make any sounds and near to passing out and then he'd stop because he wanted Sam to experience the pain to its full extent.

He wouldn't let Sam rest then though. Oh no.

After the physical torture came the emotional one.

Michael would show Sam things that he knew would get to him. Sam was not able to look away, not even blink. He would see and hear every second of it. He was also not able to move or make a sound.

Sam would struggle. Every time he would struggle against that hold and every time he'd fail. He'd try to look away, to scream out in pain. Nothing ever worked. He was completely powerless against Michael. Sam was like a statue seeing all that cruelty but unable to do anything but watch.

Michael would start off by killing people, who Sam had saved, in the most gruesome ways imaginable. He'd make each victim meet Sam's eyes to let him see the pain in there.

Then he'd sexually abuse every love interest Sam's ever had and kill them after in front of Sam.

Jessica was Michaels' favorite because "she sounds so lovely when she begs for mercy". Sam would grit his teeth and let the hot tears run over his frozen cheeks.

After that hunters and friends that died because of him would appear and tell Sam just how much they hated him for what he did to them, how it was all his fault. The cruel words would pierce through his heart like ice-cold daggers. Because they were right, weren't they?

Then his parents would come and voice their disappointment and look down on him in disgust. That one always made him think that he deserved all of this. That they were right. They were his parents after all. They had to be right.

Castiel would sneer at him calling him the "Boy with the demon blood". He'd say how much better Dean would be off without Sam to fuck everything up. And he was right.

Lastly, Dean would appear.

That was always the worst.

It was way worse than anything else he had experienced there. Dean would get tortured and raped, screaming so loudly at the pain it'd hurt Sam's ears. Michael would whisper Sam's darkest and most hidden desires and secrets to Dean which would make Dean cry and throw up.

Finally, when Dean was near to death he would look at Sam with hate and disgust, not uttering a word, not making a sound, but every word loud and clear in his eyes.

'I hate you, Sam.'

 

***

 

Sam shook his head willing himself back into reality.

Dean was alive and still with Sam. He didn't hate Sam and didn't know about the disgusting and wrong feelings he had towards his brother.

Sam got in the shower and let the scolding hot water wash over his body to get rid of the cold he felt in the Cage. He tried to clean himself thoroughly still feeling Michael's touches on his body.

_Dirty._

_Disgusting._

_Wrong._

_Freak._

Those words kept running through his mind, repeating themselves like a broken record, as he scrubbed his body clean until his skin broke in places and he started bleeding. He hissed feeling the burn and cursed himself.

_Stupid._

_So stupid._

He quickly dried himself with one of those tiny rough towels that the motel provided them with and peeked out of the bathroom to make sure Dean was asleep before he padded over to his duffel, naked, and got some clean clothes.

They needed to go to the Laundromat again soon.

He knew he needed to do something to get his mind off of those memories and sleep wasn't an option, so he started looking for hunts on his laptop.

It was 4 AM.

 

***

 

Dean woke up to the door slamming shut and Sam shaking his foot telling him to get his lazy ass out of bed.

"I got you coffee, bacon and eggs and a case."

Dean groaned and rolled out of bed already holding his hand out for the coffee. Sam handed it to him and filled him in on the case while Dean slowly started waking up with the help of his black coffee.

"Demons?"

"Seems like it. And they seem to be doing their jobs sloppily too."

"Alright then. Either they're new or this is a trap."

Sam agreed and Dean finished his breakfast eyeing Sam who only sipped on a coffee while he searched stuff on his laptop. He had noticed that Sam ate less and less the past few days and he hoped it would pass.

Afterwards, they packed their stuff and made their way to River Pass, Colorado.

 

***

 

It was a trap of course.

The demons were way too easy to track down and to kill.

"Hello boys." A familiar voice spoke from behind them making Sam and Dean spin around quickly to face Crowley. "Thanks for killing those incompetent idiots."

"Crowley. What do you want?" Dean snarled and Crowley looked mock-hurt.

"Why would I want anything? Maybe I just wanted to see my favorite Winchesters."

Sam and Dean just stared at Crowley clearly not buying Crowley's bullshit.

Crowley sighed rolling his eyes. "Fine. I want a deal."

"No." Sam said immediately, getting an annoyed look from the demon.

"Hear me out, moose. Now that the whole apocalypse thing is over and I secured my place as King of Hell, we don't really have any use for each other. So I thought better than just hunting each other, we could make a deal to make all of our lives easier."

"You're a demon and useless to us. Why would we even consider letting you live?"

"Because I can offer to keep my demons under control and away from you. Maybe I could even make them kill some monsters for you. As long as you leave me alone and don't kill my demons. Those who make no trouble, that is."

Sam considered it for a moment before exchanging a look with Dean and coming to the same decision.

Dean smirked and said "No." before he dove at Crowley with Ruby's knife.

"Alright then. Seems like you leave me no other choice." Crowley said suddenly from behind Sam.

Crowley was about to snap his fingers and break Sam's neck as Castiel appeared behind Crowley grabbing his wrist and growled: "You do not touch the Winchesters."

"Castiel. What a pleasure to have you here, too."

Castiel looked at Sam and Dean giving them a reassuring but tight nod before disappearing with Crowley.

"What the hell was that?!"

Sam would like to know that too but maybe it would be smarter to keep out of Heaven and Hell's business for once.

 

***

 

Just as they were about to leave they heard a familiar growling and they turned around to find three demons each of them petting an invisible hellhound as it seemed. Crowley must've had a back-up plan. Great.

The demons smirked and the brothers swore under their breaths as they got ready just in time before the demons released the hellhounds onto the Winchester boys. To say it was difficult would be an understatement. It was a fucking bloody mess.

As soon as Sam took down one hellhound - he wasn't sure how he had managed _that_ but there was no time to think that over - the demons joined in on the attack.

As Sam heard the sounds of pain coming from Dean, that sounded way too familiar to noises he made when he got attacked by that hellhound a few years ago, his blood went boiling and he could only see red. He wasn't really sure how it all happened because everything went by in a blur but then suddenly Sam and Dean were standing in a pool of demon and hellhound blood.

They... they had actually done it. They survived. He looked over to Dean who looked just as baffled as Sam felt. Then the smell started registering to Sam.

The familiar smell of the compelling demon blood, the euphoria at having defeated the demons and their hellhounds and the adrenaline from the kill still pulsing through Sam's veins came all together into an overwhelming feeling that needed to be let out somehow and before Sam knew it, he had pulled his brother into a hard and passionate kiss by the collar of his jacket.

 

***

 

Dean was still processing what just happened - had Sam killed all of them? - as his mouth was clashed against Sam's.

He was too shocked to do anything at first but to stay stock-still as Sam basically assaulted his mouth with his teeth and tongue, more fight than actual kissing. But Dean did come out of his trance-like state and pushed Sam away, hard.

"What the fuck?!" Dean spat and wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket.

Sam looked just as shocked as Dean and tried to stammer an apology but Dean held his hand up to stop Sam's unintelligible stuttering.

"Shut up. This never happened. You were high from the kill and acted without thinking. We're not mentioning this ever again and it won't happen ever again."

He didn't even give Sam the chance to respond before he turned around walking back to the car.

It wasn't really the kiss that made Dean feel like he wanted to crawl out of his skin, it was the fact that he had actually liked it.

 

***

 

Sam stood back for a moment processing everything that just happened. A strange feeling filled him that was too similar to hurt and disappointment for Sam to comprehend. He didn't have feelings for his brother.

It was his brother!

Michael had just made up those things back in the Cage making him believe things that were untrue. Dean had been right about the decision to just forget it and to move on. He was also right about the reason why Sam did it just being the adrenaline.

So why was Sam feeling like he had been punched in the gut and was barely able to breathe?

He shook his head and pushed all those feelings and thoughts away until he could drink them away in Winchester-style.

They didn't share a bed that night.


	5. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for taking so long to upload but I swear I'm trying my best! <3

**Part 1**

 

Dean wasn't able to sleep that night.

Obviously so.

Sam was on the other bed sleeping fitfully. Dean could tell because of the hands that were curled into fists. He wasn't having quite a nightmare yet but the sleep wasn't peaceful for sure.

Dean should maybe wake him up but... but he was a selfish bastard and needed some time for himself, to think.

Sam's breathing was almost normal so it couldn't be too bad yet.

Dean knew he was just trying to justify his asshole-move (or well... not-move) but he couldn't help it right now. He let the kiss replay in his head over and over growing more and more agitated with each time.

Sam grabbing him and pulling him close. Hot breath ghosting over his lips. Wet mouth over his. Teeth clashing. Tongue sneaking out to lick into Dean's mouth... and then it was all over.

Dean had pushed Sam away because... because... Dean had felt _something_.

He had _enjoyed_ it, he _liked_ being kissed by Sam...

No! It was disgusting and wrong! He had never - ever! - thought about his brother like that. In an inappropriate way. Well... not consciously.

He might have had some very confusing dreams in his teenage years- but those didn't count! Everybody thought about weird shit when they were a horny teen. That hadn't meant anything. Just like the kiss hadn't. Sam had just done it because of the adrenaline. He had been hyped up because of their kill. It didn't mean anything. Nothing at fucking all.

But somehow that little insignificant kiss was keeping him up tonight making him feel completely at loss.

There had been always one constant in his life. One thing he was always sure about and knew inside and out.

Nobody had been able to keep it away from Dean. Not any monster or reaper was able to keep that away from Dean. Not without Dean fighting tooth and nails until he got it back.

His rock, his home, his _everything_.

Sam.

 _Sammy_.

His little brother that he loved unconditionally, that he raised and fed, _his_ Sammy.

He loved him even if he fucked up sometimes. Even if he left Dean back to follow his own dreams. Even if they fought and screamed things at each other that cut deeply. Dean never stopped loving and caring for Sam. It was impossible to do that. Looking out for Sam was almost a personality streak to Dean.

It was familiar and always there.

But now, all that what he believed in and lived for and after had been turned upside down. The ground was ripped away from under his feet. The fundaments of his life shaken. He wasn't sure about the one thing he had always been sure about, anymore. He had nothing. He was completely and utterly alone with this.

For the first time he really didn't have Sam to lean on to.

Long after, Dean finally fell into a dreamless sleep of nothingness. He didn't sleep very long.

 

**Part 2**

 

The following days passed uneventfully and went on as always, nothing was wrong - or so it would appear to an outsider.

The brotherly bickering and teasing was still there but also the tiny hesitations after one of them said something like "admit it, you love me" before the other would respond with the expected huff and eye-roll.

Dean had become super aware of every time they touched or stood too close to each other. Of course Sam noticed Dean pulling his hand away as if he got burnt when their fingers brushed or how he would tense up and the step away if they happened to stand close to each other.

Sam didn't let the pang of hurt he felt show on his face and just played along, not touching Dean often or standing always at a respectable distance from him from then on.

***

Their relationship was changing slowly but drastically so. The air between them was almost always loaded with a tension, an indefinable expectation...

They were both repressing their feelings without even really realizing that they were doing that. Naturally, those changes between each other were affecting them in a way that their behavior was starting to change too.

Dean grew quieter, pulling in on himself, and more tense and he went out, more than he usually did, to drink  and fuck a willing chick whenever he was sober enough to do that. They were both used to Dean drinking and sleeping around when he was fretting or stressed out. It was the usual Winchester way to deal with problems. You push them down and if they keep coming up you drink them down.

How Sam dealt with the whole thing though, was kind of new to both of them.

***

Dean had noticed it for the first time when they were hunting a shape shifter.

They had finally managed to trap the shifter in a building and Sam managed a to get a silver bullet right into its' leg causing it to fall down. Sam could've just fired another shot right into its' heart and end it but instead he ran over to the body on the floor and smirked at it before straddling it's lap and punching it a couple times.

Then he cut through its throat with a silver knife making the shifter cry out before it started gurgling as it choked on its own blood.

Sam watched it with a small smile before he shot it in its heart releasing it from the torture.

From then it just got worse.

Sam seemed to have started to enjoy killing monsters as brutally as possible, to a level that was actually scaring the shit out of Dean.

***

The tension between them kept growing and getting worse.

Dean would be out on most nights while hunting became almost an obsession to Sam. He would be always searching for new hunts as soon as they had finished the one they were on.

And the hunts he searched for were usually those that involved some kind of monster like a werewolf or vampires.

A simple salt and burn wouldn't do it for him.

It just wasn't enough.

 

**Part 3**

 

Sam was lying alone in his bed - they had stopped sharing a bed after _the incident_ \- while Dean was out fucking another one of those faceless bimbos he'd pick up.

Sam knew that that kiss was affecting them both way more than it actually should but somehow... Sam couldn't really explain it.

Maybe he did have feelings for his brother. Maybe he was just as dirty and fucked up as Michael said. Maybe Dean liked him too and that was why this fucking awkwardness was there.

But probably Dean was just so disgusted with Sam that he couldn't stand being near Sam longer than actually necessary. He didn't really want to think about that, though. He was a little too drunk to think about something that complicated right now anyway.

His frustration grew with every night Dean went out because - yes, dammit - he was feeling fucking jealous.

Dean was spending the night with some girl who didn't even know Dean, who didn't know how sweet he was when Sam got sick or how upset he could get when he missed an episode of _Dr. Sexy MD_.

That girl knew nothing about Dean and she still got him for the night. She still got to hold Dean or to be held by Dean. She still got to tuck her face into the crook of his neck and fall asleep with him. She got to kiss him and to feel his warmth.

Sam couldn't help the resentment he felt towards that woman that got all that.

It's not even really the sexual part that bothered Sam so much.

It was the fact that that woman got to be intimate with Dean, she got to share that intimacy with Dean.

His brother.

 _His_ Dean.

The sexual part just bothered him even more.

Not that Sam wanted that.

Of course not! They were brothers! Sam would never think of his brother like that!

(His drunken mind seemed to have forgotten the moment earlier where he nearly admitted that he might feel like _that_ for Dean).

Michael had just tried to make him believe that so he would be hating himself more.

He loved Dean like a brother and nothing else.

Deep down he knew though that that wasn't completely true but he wasn't ready to admit that just yet.

Soon enough Sam fell asleep snoring loudly into the empty motel room.

 


	6. Jealousy Has Green Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm travelling right now so there probably won't be another chapter until september. I'm actually surprised I got this one in as I'm in Finland right now. But enjoy!

Sam woke up blinking his eyes open to find Dean fast asleep on the other bed still fully dressed in last night's clothes. He must've stumbled back to the motel sometime early in the morning.

Sam got up and groaned softly at the dull head-ache he had from last night's drinking. He took a painkiller before he headed into the bathroom to brush his teeth and take a shower. He jerked off in the shower thinking about freckles and green eyes but quickly pushed those images away before they could take the form of a familiar face.

As he got out of the bathroom with a towel tucked around his waist, he got pushed aside by a grumpy Dean and the door fell shut behind him.

"Good morning to you too, jerk!"

There was a grumbled response that sounded like "Bitch."

Sam already felt a little better at that.

***

They were in the diner having breakfast, as Sam noticed a strange article in the newspaper. "Hey. Check this out."

Dean looked up and Sam continued: "A man was found dead on his bed in the morning without any indication to a cause of death or a forced entrance into the house. Maybe it's our kind of thing. I'll check if something similar has happened before."

Dean nodded and waited for Sam to get the information they needed on his laptop while Dean continued eating.

"Told ya. There were several deaths in that area. The victims were all male and in their twenties. No apparent cause of death."

Dean hummed thinking. "It could have been anything."

Sam nodded frowning before he got up packing his things. "C'mon, lazy ass. We've got research to do and places to be."

Dean paid for the pancakes he had eaten and Sam's untouched fruit-salad. He frowned. He'll have to talk to Sam about his lack of eating. This was going on for too long for it to be a flu or something temporary like that.

***

The drive to New Orleans (freaking vampire city) took them a couple hours and Dean decided to ask Sam about his recent changes in his eating behavior during the ride because then Sam wouldn't be able to run from the conversation.

He cleared his throat making Sam look over at him while Dean's eyes never left the road. "So... You trying to lose weight or something?"

Sam furrowed his brows in confusion. "What?"

"Well, you haven't been really eating that much."

Sam rolled his eyes at that quickly covering the 'shit-he-caught-me' face. "I don't have an eating disorder or something if that's what you're thinking."

"What is it then, huh? You don't eat anything, you barely sleep. If I didn't know better, I'd say you're either a vampire or depressed."

"Very funny."

"Sam..."

Sam closed his eyes knowing Dean wouldn't let this one go. "It's the fucking nightmares, okay? I don't want to see 'em anymore. So I don't sleep. And I feel too sick remembering them to eat. Now please stop asking because you're not able to help me with this."

Dean tightened his grip on the wheel and clenched his jaw gritting his teeth. Sam knew exactly what those words did to Dean. He knew how much Dean hated to feel like this. Useless. He hated not being able to help his brother. But those words did what Sam wanted to achieve and Dean didn't prod again. He didn't try figure out the thing with the obsessive hunting and the brutal killing, yet.

He could wait.

Maybe, deep down, Dean didn't even want to know the answer to that one.

***

Sam hated lying to Dean. He despised doing it but he couldn't help but do it again and again, hurting himself and Dean equally. In this case, Sam hadn't really been lying to him. He just didn't tell Dean the whole truth. He was doing it out of selfish purposes but he couldn't lose Dean over this. He couldn't and wouldn't. Sam wouldn't be able to survive without Dean again.

Sam didn't sleep very well during the night because of the nightmares, that much was true. But he couldn't fall asleep in the first place because of all the thoughts he had about Dean and their now changing relationship. The changing feelings between them (which were more repressed feelings that were coming up than actually changing but Sam hadn't quite grasped that yet).

In the nightmares Michael would taunt him and bring up the wrong feelings he had towards his brother just making sleep even worse. With every day he was despising himself more and more.

During the day he was unable to eat because of the memories from hell and because he hated himself so much that he felt the need to punish himself by not allowing himself the pleasure of food. He wouldn’t allow himself to fill that hole with anything. He deserved to hurt.

So he wasn't really lying to Dean, right? He was just leaving out some parts of the truth. Dean was better off not knowing them anyway. He'd just be unnecessarily worried about Sam again and somehow think it’s his fault and it would just end up being worse than now. So Sam decided to keep quiet about the whole truth.

***

The first thing they did as they arrived in New Orleans was getting a motel room. Then they got some real food and settled in their room to start figuring out the case.

"Maybe we should start by interviewing the people that were last seen with the latest victim, uh, Chad."

Dean hummed thinking and nodded in agreement then. "Yea, think so too. That would be his brother and... Here we've got the address." Dean checked his watch and frowned at how late it had gotten already. "I guess we'll go tomorrow then."

Sam agreed and they continued their research for a while but soon enough gave up as they had barely anything to go at and went to bed.

Each into their own bed.

***

The next morning, they first got all the information they needed together before they put on their FBI suits, grabbed their fake badges and left for the brothers' place. Keith was the younger brother and wasn't very sure about letting the two feds in but finally broke under Sam's puppy eyes and kind smile. The guy was shorter than them both but still pretty tall. He had messy blonde locks that framed a handsome angular face which was covered in freckles. He had kind blue eyes and a matching small smile. His brother and him looked very alike but Keith got the slightly better genes.

"Take a seat. Um. Do you want anything to drink?" Keith asked looking at Sam and blushing slightly before looking away.

Dean wanted to reply with yes but Sam beat him to it. "No, thanks. We're not staying very long. Before we start asking... We're sorry about your loss, Keith."

Keith nodded and ran his hand through his hair before he sighed. Sam decided to do the talking this time. "You were the last one who's been with your brother, Chad, right?"

Keith nodded again. "I had asked him to go out with me that night."

"Where did you go to?" That was Dean.

"We... Uh... We went to a couple bars at first..."

"And then?" Sam prodded.

Keith looked unsure at first but then a defiant look took over as he answered: "And then we went to a gay club."

Dean started a little at that (these guys didn't look gay at all!) but Sam stayed unfazed.

"I'm gay and I wanted to go to a club to... to... well. You know."

Suddenly Dean started noticing the shy glances this guy shot Sam and a surge of possessiveness shot through Dean.

"Anyway. I didn't want to go alone so I asked my brother to come with me." Sam nodded and smiled understandingly, surprising the young man. Apparently, the other people that had asked him about this weren't this open-minded. Dean frowned as a small shy smile appeared on that guy's lips directed at Sam. His brother. Dean clenched his jaw but stayed quiet.

"And then you both left again?"

At that Keith blushed. "No... Uh... I danced and stuff while my brother was at the bar. He... Uh... He's straight, completely, but he was a touchy fella when he got drunk. So... Um... Well I saw him leave with another guy and that's the last I saw of him until... Until I found him on his bed."

Dean shot Sam a look but Sam already knew that there was a little more to this. "Was there anything... ‘off’ when Chad left?"

Keith furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"

"Something unusual. Maybe the power going off... weird smells...?"

"Well... I noticed nothing off with the lights but as we got to the club it smelled like... like rotten eggs or something from the alley next to the club but I guess that's normal. Although..."

"What?"

"Well, this guy he left with? Something was... different about him. He drew everybody's eyes to him because he was so damn hot but since the moment my brother had walked in, that guy's eyes had been glued on Chad. I had thought nothing of it... And even though Chad tended to get touchy he never ever had left a place with another guy before."

Sam and Dean exchanged a look before Dean asked: "You think we could get the address of that club?"

***

Dean slapped his hand on the table. "Ha! All the victims have been to the same club before they died and I bet they all left the club with a handsome stranger."

Sam nodded as if he had expected as much. "All right. I looked up some lore and I think we're dealing with an incubus."

Dean furrowed his brows. "Aren't they called succubus?"

"The females are called succubae. The males are incubi. They are a kind of demon that live off of sex with humans - which would explain the rotten egg smell and the gay club. Succubae usually sleep with men to take their semen, and incubi, which there aren't many of, usually with women to impregnate them. Homosexual incubi are very rare but they exist, apparently, too. They need the semen of men to survive and the men usually die after they come because they are basically giving their life essence to the demon."

"Ew! Don't say semen. And how do we kill it?"

"They're still demons so Ruby's knife should work. I have here an exorcism if it doesn't but I doubt we'll need it."

"Alright. I'll get it out of the club and you kill it."

"Dean, you're not putting yourself in danger like that again. This time, I'll be the bait. And anyway. You're way too straight to seduce another male." Dean wanted to argue and protest but Sam did have a point. He could seduce anything he wanted to of course, but it would look suspicious if a straight guy just walked alone into a gay club. And Sam had that long hair and dimpled smile going... "Fine! You look gayer anyway."

Sam rolled his eyes before they got all their stuff together and headed to the car. Sam even dressed up a little to "look gay". That included some tight jeans and a black t-shirt that hugged him perfectly. Dean had a hard time not staring. When had his little scrawny-ass brother gotten so muscular and... Well... Sexy?! Sam didn't notice Dean looking and soon they were heading to the club anyway.

***

Dean spoke up as they were in the car on the way. "So... You ever been to one?"

"To one what?"

"Y'know... A gay club."

Sam considered lying but then decided against it. "Uh... Yeah. Once. Jess dragged me to one, promising me that it would be worth it and well... She hadn't lied. It kinda ended in one of the only threesome's I've participated in." Sam blushed not sure why he was telling Dean all that.

Dean smirked and looked like the proud big brother he was supposed to be. Before he could speak up though, Sam cleared his throat. "You? You ever been to one?"

"Uh no. Not really my thing." After that an awkward silence settled over them making Sam squirm in his seat (the tight jeans might've been one of the reasons too).

***

Luckily, they soon arrived and went over their plan before Sam headed in with Dean. Dean stayed back, hidden while Sam walked up to the bar and ordered a beer. They both felt it as the demon got in the club and Sam felt it almost instantly as the demon's eyes focused onto Sam.

Well, that had been easy.

The demon walked up to Sam with a sure posture and a winning smile. Sam had to admit that the demon was really irresistible but he could almost taste the demon blood which was making him feel sick to his stomach, surprisingly.

Dean watched them flirt with each other, Sam throwing in his shy glances through the lashes and the dimpled grins and the guy was gone for him. Of course, Dean was kind of proud of Sam but at the same time he felt an unfamiliar surge of jealousy and possessiveness shoot through him. He pushed it down and stayed focused on the hunt.

It didn't take long before they both left the club with Dean following them to the back alley without the demon noticing. He was too infatuated by Sam. The demon sunk to his knees in front of Sam and before Dean knew it, that monster was sucking his brother's dick. Dean couldn't, wouldn't, wait any longer even though it might’ve been safer. No monster was touching his brother like that ever again, not as long as he was still around.

Dean pulled the demon off and stabbed it through it's chest from behind, the anger and possessiveness giving him the strength to easily do that. Dean had looked at Sam with the emotions still clear in his eyes …which was probably why they didn't talk until they were back in the motel room where Sam spoke up quietly.

"You could've waited a bit longer. It could've hurt you."

Dean walked up to Sam feeling completely sober and clear about his feelings in that moment. "Nobody touches you like that. You're my fucking brother. You're mi-" Dean cut himself off before he could finish that sentence and then cupped Sam's face pulling him down into a fierce kiss.

They pulled away panting and wide-eyed when Dean's eyes got determined and he kissed Sam again. And again. And again.

His Sammy.

His.

 _His_.

 **_His_ ** **.**


	7. The Final Straw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There's some graphic violence.
> 
> I'm so sorry for taking this long to update but a lot was going on. Unfortunately, with my exams coming up I probably won't be able to post much for the next couple months either. But I promise I will try <3

"You're seeing what the boys are doing, right, Castiel?" Crowley asked with raised eyebrows.

Castiel looked away confusion taking over his features. Sam and Dean have done a couple of wrong things in their lives so far but in the end they have always ended up doing the right thing. They wouldn't sin like Crowley was implying. Even though, they came first for each of them before everything and anything else, even the good in the world was only second after their brother.

"They wouldn't."

"Castiel, if you agree and we go through with-"

"Crowley. I already told you tha-"

"Fine then! If you go through with your plan then, you do know that we - uh - you can't allow this kind of thing, right?"

Castiel sighed closing his eyes. "They haven't really done anything wrong yet. And there is no _we_ , Crowley. Goodbye."

Crowley cursed as the angel just disappeared on him with the sound of wings fluttering.

Damn angels.

***

Dean kissed him.

Dean had actually kissed him.

On the mouth.

Like.

Really.

Sam laid awake on his bed not able to believe that what happened hadn't been a dream. He reached up and touched his lips with the pads of his fingers closing his eyes. He could still feel the ghost of Dean's lips against his and he gasped as he felt sparks erupting from his lips and shoot through his body.

Sam rolled his eyes at himself for being such a sap. Dean probably hadn't even meant it like that anyway. They still had gone to sleep in separate beds. He probably just did it out of the same reason as Sam had done it. Adrenaline, high from the hunt, whatever.

But... it didn't really explain the multiple kisses and especially that it happened a little while after they had wrapped up the hunt. It had happened in the motel room.

Sam shook off the hope that had started building up inside of him and got up to get ready for the day.

***

Dean was confused, to say the least.

But at the same time he somehow was at ease with his own mind. He was slightly more sure about his feelings and on one hand that put him at ease but on the other it scared the shit out of him.

He liked Sam.

More than it was appropriate for a brother to like his brother. It was wrong and... sick and just all kinds of fucked up. He couldn't corrupt his little brother like this. He was supposed to take care of him and not corrupt him! He decided to stay away from Sam. He needed to stay away. It couldn't work any other way. Not like leave or go away but like keep his hands off of Sam.

How difficult that may be.

Yes.

That should work (because all of Dean's plans always work out so well).

***

Dean found them the next hunt involving some kind of bloodsucking monster and they really hoped that it was a vampire nest because they couldn't handle something more complicated than that again right now. The drive to Seattle took them a couple hours and they didn't bring up the kiss during it.

As they checked in at the motel the lady at the front desk informed them that there was only a room with a king left. Dean asked for another motel but there was none near-by or they were booked out.

Dean shot Sam a questioning look but Sam was deliberately not looking at Dean. So Dean agreed and they went to their room where they spread out and started researching, ignoring the huge king-bed in the middle of the room.

All the signs were hinting at it being a vampire nest and they got all their weapons together planning on attacking the nest around midday when the sun was at its highest to catch them at their weakest.

Dean planned on watching Sam during the hunt to approach him about his new hunting style afterwards. Soon it was time for bed, though, and now there was another problem at hand; the sleeping arrangement.

***

"I'll sleep on the -" Dean started, already getting his pillow from the bed, as Sam interrupted him.

"We're both sleeping on the damn bed. Get over yourself. It's not like we have never slept together before."

Dean blushed and wanted to reply with a valid argument that would support the idea of them sleeping separately but apparently Sam noticed that and smirked adding then: "What? You too much of a pussy?"

Dean then clenched his jaw and got into the bed, giving Sam exactly what he had wanted. Sam turned off the lights and checked the salt lines before getting into the bed too.

Dean had his back turned to Sam and Sam could tell by the tense posture that Dean felt more than slightly uncomfortable. A sudden surge of boldness made him move close to Dean and spoon him.

"Dude!"

"Shut up. We both know that you sleep better this way."

Dean grumbled something incoherent but didn't push Sam away which made the younger one smile.

After a while - Sam had already been drifting off into sleep - Dean spoke up again. "Why am I the little spoon?"

Sam chuckled surprised at that and nuzzled Dean's neck just to annoy him before he replied: "Go to sleep, Dean."

Dean sighed but finally relaxed. "Goodnight Sammy."

***

They had some time in the morning and did the final researches. To sum it all up:

It was a vampire nest with no more than three members, probably two males and one female. That's how it usually was. They appeared to be pretty young considering how sloppy they were with their kills.

Sam and Dean got ready around midday and headed to the motel where the vamps were staying at (seriously? Those vamps stayed in a motel? Definitely new).

There was no way to sneak in through a backdoor or something - obviously - so they just kicked in the front door and stormed in guns blazing (or well, machetes in this case... but you get the point).

One of the vamps was awake, unfortunately, and went straight for Dean. The noise woke up the other two too and Sam grinned - or more like bared his teeth (and yes, it was fucking scary) - at them before he attacked.

He had so much _fun_ doing it, killing those monsters. Sam gave the two vampires that attacked him each a shot of dead man's blood to still them. Then he slowly started cutting them up to bleed them out. He watched them writhe and moan in pain with a small smile playing on his lips. The female one went unconscious first so he chopped her head off in front of the other, making him scream. Guess that was her mate. Oh well. He poured drops of the - for vampires - poisonous blood into the male vampire's wounds making him scream. He chuckled and then he finally chopped the vampire's head off.

***

Dean heard the screaming and all, but he didn't want to believe it, needed to see it with his own eyes that Sam had gotten out of control. So he let the vampire overpower him to get Sam to save him.

Sam caught on just soon enough and his eyes lit up at the chance to be able to kill yet another vampire. He smirked and headed over to Dean before he gave this vampire a shot of dead man's blood too. Then he pulled the head up by the hair before he slowly started cutting the head from the monster's body. It screamed so beautifully.

Green eyes met hazel ones and Sam had no time to hide his emotions. It was all bare for Dean to see now and that was the moment it really hit Dean.

Sam was not okay.

The obsessive hunting, the not eating, the nightmares and whatever was between them. Dean couldn't allow this to go on for any longer. They needed time for themselves and for each other to figure their shit out.

***

They got all the bodies and the detached heads and put them in plastic bags before carrying them out and burning them in a near-by deserted alley.

They didn't talk as they went back to the motel and got patched up before Dean started packing their stuff. Sam didn't question it as they usually left the city as soon as the job was done.

They got in the car and drove for quite a while, not talking nor listening to music, before Sam spoke up noticing that Dean seemed to know where they were driving to next.

Did he already find another job?

"Um, Dean? Where are we heading to?"

"To Rufus' cabin. We're taking a vacation."


	8. He Deserves Better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I lied. Here's another update. Enjoy! ;)

"Castiel…" Crowley eyed the angel’s back - his shoulders were tense, his posture painfully straight and his breathing strictly measured.

Castiel closed his eyes and curled his hands into fists. "You were right."

Crowley let the surprise start him for a second before he schooled his face into a look of fake sympathy. "Castiel. Maybe I wasn't. You know, now that I think about it, it might not really be what I think. And maybe this promise or whatever doesn't really have to mean-"

"No." Castiel interrupted him. "Crowley, we both know that you are more than overjoyed at the current turn of events."

Crowley rolled his eyes but didn't deny it and just smirked. "It doesn't matter how I feel anyway. What about you, Castiel? What do you say?"

Castiel glared at Crowley for a moment before he looked away to take a deep breath and then gave the demon a curt nod. Crowley grinned and snapped his fingers making the contract appear. Castiel eyed it, even though he had read it more than a couple times, before he finally signed it.

"Was a pleasure making deals with you, angel. I will see you soon." Crowley took the contract and disappeared leaving the uncertain angel back.

* _A couple days ago_ *

Sam and Dean were settling in the cabin they got to use from Rufus because they were friends of Bobby's and he knew them. And because Dean had managed to get his hands on Rufus' favorite whiskey and sent him a bottle his beloved Johnny Walker Blue to bribe him.

Sam was still confused about why they were doing this but he didn't really want to say no to a break, especially after he had kept pushing Dean to take one. Surprisingly though, he was kind of opposed to the idea of not being able to hunt monsters. He just felt like he needed to hunt. The itch some hunters talked about, he could feel that now. The not being able to sit still. "Dean, why do you think I need this? I'm fine. And anyway. Are you sure you can take a vacation? I mean-"

"Oh, don't you worry about me. I'm sure I can handle it somehow. What about you?"

"What? Yea, of course. Why wouldn't I be able to?"

They stared at each other, words passing between them without ever opening their mouths. "Alright then."

***

The days passed without much trouble but Sam was really starting to have an issue with the not hunting. Dean passed his time with eating junk food and watching crappy TV. He even cooked for them sometimes. Sam on the other hand, didn't have it that easy. Books couldn't keep him interested for long, TV was boring and YouTube wasn't really entertaining anymore (especially when the Wi-Fi didn't work most of the time).

So he found a new pass-time: Running. He went each morning and each afternoon to run in the woods that surrounded them. It did come close to an obsession. He just moved from one obsession to another, even though it wasn't as satisfying as hunting, as killing things.

Dean tried everything to make Sam stop this new obsession but all his plans did, was make it even worse or they just didn't work out the way he had wanted them to. Finally, Dean gave up on it thinking that in the end trying to stay in shape wouldn't hurt anyone, considering they didn't get that from hunting now.

Maybe they needed to figure out the _thing_ between them before he could help Sam with his problems. Overthinking proved to be the wrong thing to do as it only kept Dean up at night and made him want to go mad. So, he decided to follow his instincts rather than making plans. They obviously were the way to failure. Dean following his instincts meant flirting with Sam and making him blush like a virgin. That, he knew perfectly well how to do. He used to do it all the time. Sure, it got a little harder as Sam grew older but come on. Dean knew Sam, he knew which buttons to press.

He didn't really think a lot of it but Dean knew, subconsciously, that he shouldn't be doing this. First of all, Sam was his brother and not some chick he was trying to pick up. And secondly, if Sam was just another tall, dark stranger, he'd deserve better than some charming smiles and flirty compliments because this was _Sam_. He was worth more than that.

***

Sam, on the other hand, was so utterly confused and lost by Dean's behavior that he even fucked up his comebacks. Sam had no idea what was going on.

Was Dean making fun of him? Did he finally find out about Sam's dirty little secret and was now making fun of it? Wouldn't he be more disgusted, then? He surely would be. Maybe Dean didn't really believe it and tried to brush it off as a joke? Sam shook off those depressing thoughts and just ran faster.

***

Dean of course didn't know anything about Sam's insecurities and just kept doing his thing as if Sam was a girl he wanted to go all blush-y and stutter-y around him. He knew Sam wasn't that, Sam was much better and so much more to Dean than anyone in this whole fucking world, but he didn't know better. How was he supposed to try to change a life-long relationship like his and Sam's, not even knowing if that was what he actually wanted to do?

He didn't know. So he did it the only way he knew.

***

"Hey, Sammy. Get me a beer, will ya?"

Sam had gone to the kitchen to get himself a water as Dean yelled him his order. He rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath: "Why don't you move your lazy ass and get it yourself?!" But Sam got Dean's beer and handed it to him as he walked back to the couch, earning one of Dean's blinding grins directed at him.

"Thanks, man."

Sam blinked, a little taken aback, before he cleared his throat to answer. "Sure. No big." He sat down next to Dean sipping on his water and watched TV. "Seriously, Dean?! A shark documentary?"

"It's shark week, dude! Of course I'm watching it." Sam snorted a laugh and leaned back watching the show with Dean. The beer - it was already his third one - made Dean's limbs loose and relaxed, which made him sprawl out a bit. He threw an arm over the backrest and played with the hair on the back of Sam's neck.

Sam didn't even notice it as his eyes fluttered shut until he blinked them open again. Sam was nearly purring at the nice tickling sensation. He should move away. Dean didn't know what he was doing to Sam. Dean gently scraped with his fingernails over the sensitive skin at the nape of Sam's neck making Sam gasp and a shiver run through him.

Dean... He didn't even notice. Sam wanted it. He wanted more. He jumped up as he noticed his body reacting to Dean's caresses. Dean looked up at Sam, stunned, and Sam stammered an excuse before he fled to the bathroom to take care of his little problem.

After he cleaned up he couldn't even look at himself in the mirror, the shame of his feelings and of what had happened taking over. Maybe he should just tell Dean and deal with the consequences. Dean deserved better than this. He shouldn't have to deal with his little brother secretly lusting after him.

Dean deserved better. He deserved more. He deserved to know the truth, to be able to be safe from such a freak like Sam. He sighed. But he was a selfish freak. Too fucking selfish to tell Dean and deal with the repercussions. He washed his face before he exited the bathroom. "Hey Dean. I'm gonna go for run now and then run some errands. You need anything?"

"Um. More beer. And meat. Just buy stuff you want me to cook. Nothing too healthy or fancy though."

Sam nodded and changed into more suitable clothes before he left. As soon as Sam left, Dean got up knowing that he'd have enough time to cook some dinner now.

***

He took his time preparing the food as well as he could. He wanted this to be a little special for Sam. He even made dessert. Sam came home before the dessert was finished but that was okay because Sam knew not to bother Dean while he cooked. So Sam just put the groceries on the table before he moved back to the bedroom, which they shared because there was only one bed. They - Dean - didn't really have an issue with it though, as the bed was surprisingly big.

***

Dean finished the meal and then set the table, not too romantic but he did put more effort into it than usually. He got them two beers and then called Sam announcing that dinner was ready. Sam seemed surprised at how... good it all looked and he sat down. Then Dean served Sam the pasta he had made just the way Sam liked it. "Wow. This looks delicious. Do we have something to celebrate?"

Dean shrugged smiling. "Just a treat for you."

"Oh." Sam blushed and thanked Dean and waited until Dean had his helping, too, before he dug in. Sam let out a surprised, pleased sound making Dean grin. "Jesus, Dean. This is delicious. You seriously need to cook more often."

Dean smiled smugly and continued eating. They were quiet during the meal, enjoying it and not wanting to break the haze they were in. As they were finished, they leaned back in their chairs nursing on their beers.

Dean didn't look at Sam as he let his foot carefully slide over Sam's in an almost caress that made Sam jump and had him choking on his beer. Dean chuckled and took the dishes to the sink while Sam was trying to catch his breath again but he had no time to question why or process what Dean had just done before he returned with the dessert.

It was self-made apple-pie (they had nothing else there, like cherry or blueberry) with whipped cream on top. Sam stared at the dessert then at Dean before he stammered: "How... Why... Are you going to kill me later or something?"

Dean laughed and sat down putting Sam's piece of pie in front of him on the table. "Or something."

Sam had no idea what was going on but he didn't really care in that moment and dug in. He moaned as the sweet flavor of the pie exploded on his tongue and then blushed deeply at the embarrassing sounds he had made.

Dean's eyes shot up at the moan and he couldn't help it when that sound went right downstairs to his dick. And then that adorable blush on Sam. Fuck. He was so fucking gone. That's it. Game over. No hiding it anymore.

Dean Winchester had the hots for his little brother.

***

They did the dishes together before they went to relax on the couch with a beer watching some shitty reality TV. After a while Sam cleared his throat and put his beer down before he turned the TV off. Dean wanted to protest but seeing the serious look on Sam's face made him go still. "Dean-" His voice cracked. He closed his eyes taking a deep breath before he spoke again. "Dean. We need to talk." Dean watched Sam and made a gesture telling Sam to go on. "Well. Actually it's more like that I need to tell you something. I. Dean. Please just hear me out, okay? I- I need to get this out and if you interrupt me... I just need to do this."

Dean started to worry now but he would never say no when Sam asked him like this. "Yeah. Of course, Sammy. Anything you need, man."

Sam took another deep breath clasping his hands together. "I just. I owe this to you. I owe you my honesty. After everything that happened, after all you did for me... I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anything you did for me."

Dean frowned not agreeing with what he heard.

Sam closed his eyes then. "I- I don't know when it started. Maybe it never started. Maybe it was just always there. I guess that'd make more sense. I'm wrong. I'm fucked-up, Dean. I tried to blame it on the demon-blood but that's... that was just an excuse for the freak I really am. I can see that now. I didn't believe it as Michael told me, back in hell. At first. But it makes sense, y'know? It all makes sense now. I mean. There's no reason that the demon-blood would make feel this way. It would be making me feel the opposite if anything, wouldn't it? No, it's all on me. This time it's just me. I'm a freak and it has nothing to do with anything but my own damned fucked-up mind. I'll understand if you never want to see me again after this. I'd get it. I promise I'll leave you the moment you ask me to. I just. I'm just too selfish to pack my stuff and leave you without you telling me to. I can't. I should but I just can't do that because... because."

Sam opened his eyes looking straight at Dean.

"I- I feel things towards you, Dean. I want you. I _need_ you. You're the most important thing to me. I'd do anything - fucking anything - for you. I want you. I want you so damn much it hurts. I feel... I feel things no sibling should feel towards their brother. I'm so fucking sorry, Dean. I tried- I tried to change it. I swear I did. I tried so hard but... I'm so fucked-up, that I can't, Dean. I can't help it. I just. You can throw me out and tell me how disgusting I am. But please. Please don't hate me. Just don't hate me."

Dean looked confused for a moment before it clicked. Sam felt... what? Sexual attraction towards him? He didn't know how to express it better. Shocked, Dean looked into his brother's watery eyes before something broke in Dean. This was it. Dean could decide if they would cross that line. If Dean dared to let them cross that line. Sam had laid himself bare in front of Dean. Now it was his turn.

"Sam." The boy - he looked so fucking young in that moment - next to him flinched squeezing his eyes shut waiting for the blow. "I want you too, Sam. I need you. I can't- You can't leave me, man." Dean took a breath. "Fuck it. Sam, look at me." Sam obliged and Dean took Sam's hands into his own.

"Sam. I can't deny that I have thought about it... about you but... I'm confused. I... I don't know what I feel but I think. I think I want that. With you. We might be fucked-up and this is really wrong but... I want to try this. We broke so many rules and laws for other people, we can break one for ourselves for once… right? And fuck those who think they have a right to judge us. I want to try _us_. I'm willing to give this a shot but let's... let's take it easy, yeah? Like I said. I'm still kind of unsure."

Dean smiled softly and Sam looked shocked to say the least.

"I want to figure it out, though. Together, we'll figure it out. Like we always do."


	9. Le veau d'or est toujours debout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: sexual content

Sam made his way through the familiar woods, Dean following him closely. "Dude. How much further do we have to go?"

Sam had to smile a little at that and he tried to help Dean climb up some rocks which just earned him a glare. "Stop whining, we're nearly there. I thought you're supposed to be the older one here."

Dean repressed the urge to stick his tongue out and instead decided to be mature and muttered under his breath: "And I thought we were on vacation and not on a fucking hiking trip." Maybe he was just getting too old for this kind of thing… Oh hell no! He quickly brushed that thought aside. He was still young and freaking sexy. Thank you very much.

A couple minutes later they finally arrived where Sam had planned on taking Dean. "I like to take breaks here when I'm on a run. It's... calming here."

Dean had to admit that it was pretty. But he still called Sam a sap and got a punch in the shoulder for that. Dean chuckled and let himself look around. It was a clearing in the forest with a stream on one side, separating it from the woods, and the other side had rocks to isolate the place. Sam led them to the small stream.

They were nearly there as Dean slipped and fell, scraping his knees. "Ah, dammit." Sam quickly crouched down next to Dean, with furrowed brows, slight worry etched into his face. After inspecting it, Dean let Sam lead him the rest of the way to the stream where Sam cleaned up the small wound. Dean watched Sam work, remembering a time when Dean had taken care of young Sammy's scraped knees.

***

John had gone on a hunt and had left the boys alone back in a cabin in the woods for a couple days. They were bored and decided instead of playing the same card games over and over - the TV didn't work - to go on a walk through the woods. Sammy was still young so Dean held his hand while they walked. 

As they skipped from one stone to another, Sam's foot slipped and he scraped his knees falling onto the ground. Dean couldn't help the guilt and slight fear that shot through him at having failed his one job. Take care of Sammy. Big, watery, hazel eyes looked up at Dean, the knowledge that he would take care of Sammy clear in that look. And he did.

Sammy pouted and sniffed while Dean patched Sam up but he didn't shed a single tear. Dean was so proud of his little brother that he made Sam his favorite meal that evening. The happy grin he got from Sammy for that was proof enough to him that he hadn't failed completely.

***

Dean smirked at his now grown-up and taller-than-him brother and asked: "You gonna make me my favorite food for dinner?"

Sam looked confused for a moment before he got it and smiled brightly remembering that day too. He didn't even think about it as he leaned in and kissed Dean. They both pulled away quickly as they realized what they were doing. Sam and Dean stared at each other for a moment before looking away. They got up in awkward silence and headed back to the cabin.

***

Their relationship was weird to say the least. They were kind of "together" but they've already been close being brothers and all that their relationship barely changed. They slept together in one bed like they used to do when they were kids, but they didn't hold hands or kiss or do any other couple-y thing for that matter.

They didn't date and Sam was planning on changing that. They both wanted it but he knew Dean wouldn't do anything about it, too afraid to push. Too afraid of something so new and unfamiliar. So, Sam started laying out a plan in his head.

***

Sam and Dean were back at the cabin planning on what to cook for dinner. Usually Dean did most of the cooking but Sam insisted on helping this time - for whatever unknown reason to Dean. They decided on making something easy; mashed potatoes, steak and cooked vegetables. Sam took care of mashing the potatoes while Dean grilled the steaks.

It was very domestic and felt nice until Sam put his plan into action. He moved way too close when he needed to pick something up or put something away. There were more casual touches than usual; Sam's hand on Dean's shoulder, arm, back and sometimes hip when Sam moved past him. It was putting Dean on edge and making him anxious. Sam kept doing it though, pretending not to notice Dean's reactions.

While the food was cooking they drank a beer and chatted a bit to pass time. Sam suddenly straightened up putting his beer away and moved over to Dean. He seemed to understand what Sam was up to so he put his beer down too and braced himself. Sam cupped Dean's cheeks and kissed him gently. Dean kissed back letting his eyes fall closed but his whole body was tense.

Something was off. Dean wasn't enjoying this like he should. Sam pulled away frowning. Dean had at least the decency to look away ashamed but then he just went to check on the food.

Had he done something wrong? Didn't Dean want this? He had said he did, though. Sam was confused and a little lost. What if Dean was only doing this to make Sam happy? What if Dean lied for Sam's benefit? He didn't want to believe that. He couldn't.

Dean started putting the dishes on the table ripping Sam out of his thoughts and putting him in action to help his brother. Sam needed to think positive and stay focused. Dean told him that he wanted Sam too and he needed to trust Dean with this. Dean wouldn't lie about something like this. He wouldn't. Right?

***

They sat down to eat together and soon the awkwardness disappeared in the appreciation of the food. It was really good. Sam knew that Dean could cook well but he never expected this to turn out so well when they both cooked together.

Soon enough they were bickering and discussing their plans for the rest of their vacation. "We could go out and watch a movie or something."

Dean stilled at that. He seemed to catch on what Sam was implying with that suggestion and quickly dodged the bullet by replying that there weren't any good movies playing in the cinemas around there. "Some other time maybe. Or we could just watch a movie on the TV here."

Sam agreed and let it go. Surprisingly so - to Dean at least. Sam didn't want to push Dean to a date yet. He had just wanted to plant the idea in Dean's head.

***

And he achieved his goal.

Dean couldn't stop thinking about the suggestion. Of course, did he feel something for Sam. He wouldn't have said so otherwise. But did he really want to go out and hold hands with Sam? Could he even be in public pretending they were just boyfriends?

It wasn't like anybody would know... but Dean would know. And... and it was strange. Way more than strange, to be honest. He wasn't sure he'd be comfortable with being together like that in public. Maybe later on but for sure not now.

He needed to adjust to the changes between them first. It wasn't like there were many changes though. There were kisses and some touches that were more than just casual but their relationship stayed the same for the most part.

***

Dean put his pondering to a halt as they decided to "Netflix and chill" on the couch. They watched "Hannibal" and it just made clear to Dean - again - that monsters made sense and people didn't. They were just crazy.

Sam really liked the show for several reasons. He kept pointing out good filming and directing decisions and other nerdy stuff Dean didn't really care about. So he teased Sam about it in order to get Sam to defend himself and talk even more passionately about the show because he liked seeing Sam get excited about stuff. It barely happened anymore.

When Sam was little he used to tell Dean about what he had learned in school that day. And just seeing the pure joy on Sam's face about having learnt yet another thing made Dean standing up to his dad and fighting for Sam to be allowed to go to a school worth it. Of course Sam had started sharing less and less with Dean the older he got. Dean was in a way happy that Sam got to be a moody teenager when he had never gotten that chance himself. Dean had done pretty much everything he could to give Sam an as normal life as possible.

"Are you even listening to me?"

Dean was startled out of his thoughts and looked up into his eyes. "Huh? Yeah, of course. You were having a nerdgasm over how the show is made instead of the hot chicks in it like a normal person."

Sam scowled giving him bitchface number 4 but then smirked slowly. "You were full-on staring at my lips."

Dean's eyes widened at that. He hadn't even realized it but Sam's lips were kind of mesmerizing and they looked really soft and kissable... "What?! No! I- I was thinking about something else because you were so boring."

Sam grinned, both of them knowing that Sam was right. "You want to kiss me?" Sam asked bluntly a small smile still playing on his lips. But before Dean could utter a reply, Sam's mouth was just inches away from his. Sam was letting Dean decide if he wanted this.

He closed the gap letting his eyes fall closed and kissed his brother. It started out slow - soft glide of lips against lips - but soon it turned into something more passionate and hotter. Sam moved closer pushing Dean down so he was lying down on the couch with Sam over him. Dean slid his hand up Sam's arm and into his hair gripping it tightly.

"Dean..." Sam gasped making them break apart.

They both were flushed and panting. Dean cleared his throat and looked away, ready to go back to watching TV but Sam had other ideas in mind. He leaned down and sucked at the skin on Dean's neck making the older man moan.

In the background, Hannibal was getting ready for a huge dinner party. _Le veau d'or est toujours debout_ was playing while Hannibal prepared human hearts and kidneys for various dishes.

The sophisticated and classical music stood in stark contrast to the panting and moaning that sounded from the sweaty, tangled bodies on the couch.

Hannibal calmly prepared the meal with precision and grace. Sam and Dean ripped the clothes off each other.

Hannibal cooked dish after dish with practiced ease. Sam sloppily sucked Dean off while he rutted against the couch desperate for friction.

At last came the decorative sauces and herbs over the meat. Sam and Dean both came moaning loudly.

They collapsed in a heap of sweaty limbs just before the song ended.

The brothers stumbled into the bedroom and passed out before Hannibal's guests started eating the delicious meals they thought to be pork and lamb.

***

Dean had woken up in the middle of the night and now laid in bed thinking about what had happened. They didn't have "sex" sex. They made out on the couch and Sam ended up blowing him. He felt a little bad for not returning the favor but otherwise he just felt pretty unsure about what had happened.

It had felt good, sure, but... Sam was still his brother and it was wrong. Not just morally but even legally. He just couldn't help but feel guilty and like he had corrupted his little brother.

Dean was naturally ignoring the fact that _Sam_ had actually pushed them to go further. He also ignored that Sam was an adult who could take care of himself and wouldn't have let anything happen that he didn't want. Dean loved Sam. Sam loved Dean. It should have been easy but it wasn't. They loved each other like no brothers should. They had admitted their feelings to each other and had decided to act on them. Now they had acted on them.

Was there even a going back now? Dean doubted it. And if he was really honest with himself, he didn't want to go back. Well then. Maybe it was time Dean accepted what was happening between his brother and him. They both - more or less obviously so - wanted this and they weren't hurting anybody with it. Most of their friends and every one of their family were dead anyway.

But if they were really going to do this, they were going to do this right. Dean slowly drifted into sleep, a plan already forming itself in his head. He was going to take Sam on a date.

Their first date.


	10. The First Date

Sam was stubborn. Everyone knew that. But when Dean had gotten something into his head, there was no going back. It kind of ran in the family. Even though Dean had made his decision, he had no clue on how to set it into motion. So it was a surprise to both of them as Dean blurted out his question during breakfast the next morning. "Doyouwannagoonadatewithme?" Sam stared at Dean. Seeing Sam's confused look, Dean took a deep breath to calm himself before he spoke again. "You. Me. Date. Tonight?"

***

No! No, damn it! Dean couldn't ask him that! Not now that he had the perfect plan. Sam couldn't say 'no', though. It wasn't like he didn't _want_ to go on a date with Dean but... the plan... He noticed Dean deflating and could see him trying to decide if he should take it back as Sam still hadn't reacted in any kind of positive way.

"Yes!" Sam said quickly before it was too late. "Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I?! Sounds great. What should I wear?"

Dean didn't look completely convinced but luckily he didn't question Sam. "Something you feel comfortable in. Jeans and a shirt should be classy enough."

Sam nodded and his mind already started sorting through the pathetic collection of clothes he owned, searching for something he could wear. Look, he wasn't a chick or anything but he did want to look good for Dean. At least on their first date. Oh god. They were actually going on a date. Sam didn't think his life could get even more fucked up than it already was. He also didn't count on being this happy again.

***

Dean on the other hand was kind of freaking out as he had no plan whatsoever about what he should plan for their date. He didn't know where to take Sam nor what they should do. Fuck. Maybe he should've thought this through before just asking Sam out. Well, now it was too late for that. Awesome. He was so fucked. And not in a good way. He'll have to do some research right after breakfast. He was almost 100% certain that this date was going to suck.

No. Positive thinking, Dean. Maybe in some miraculous way it'd end up being the best date Sam's ever had... Yea no, he didn't think so. Fuck.

***

Dean had told Sam that they'd be leaving around seven PM so Sam started getting ready around six. He took a shower, shaved and even spent quite a while on trying to tame his hair. Which had ended up proving itself impossible without any kind of product at hand. He picked out the darkest pair of jeans he had because dark was good. And maybe because his ass looked especially good in those. Who knows. Sam definitely didn't notice things like that.

It was the shirt he had trouble deciding on. Most of them were plaid - and Christ, did he have loads of those - and somehow, he felt like a Walmart-bought "hunter shirt" wasn't the appropriate thing to wear. After a long time of messy searching, Sam found a dark blue shirt that he usually wore under his FBI suit. He looked at himself in the mirror and frowned.

Sam wouldn't call himself ugly. He was pretty built and looked healthy. He especially liked his hair. But he didn't have the long lashes, those pouty lips and that cowboy walk Dean had going. He understood the women who threw themselves at the sexy bad boy instead of the lanky nerd next to him.

Why would Dean even like him...? Sam shook his head. He felt stupid for behaving like a teenage girl going on her first date. Dean had seen Sam at his worst and still wanted to go on a date with him. That was far more than enough. He looked determinedly into the mirror and nodded. He was ready. It felt more like going into war than going on a date. Oh well...

***

Dean had no idea what to wear. He stared at his duffel as if the devil himself was in it. Which was absurd, of course. Lucifer was in the cage down in the pit where Sam had put him.

Dean picked out a pair of jeans that wouldn't fall apart the second he put it on and chose a green shirt that he had gotten from someone. Apparently, it brought out his eyes. He spent quite a while on his hair to get that just-got-fucked, disheveled look going. He smirked and worried his lips with his teeth making it look pink and slightly puffy.

Alright. He checked himself out in the mirror before declaring himself ready. To make it a little more authentic Dean went outside and leaned against his car to wait for Sam. He smiled and looked up as Sam exited the cabin, keeping a cool exterior, even though he was panicking on the inside. "Ready?"

Sam smiled back and nodded. "Ready."

***

Dean drove them to an Italian restaurant, which he had looked up and opened the doors for Sam. Yes, Dean Winchester was a gentleman, no matter what others may say. Even if he just slept around, he always took care of the girl too, making sure both parties enjoyed the night. It was going pretty well… so far.

They both ordered pizza – Sam, vegetarian and Dean, meat with extra cheese - as they couldn't even pronounce the names of any of the other dishes on the menu. They also just went with a beer each. Maybe wine would've been the more romantic choice of drink here but neither of them really knew anything about wine. Stick with what you know, was one of the rules they had learned from their old man.

There was an awkward silence which they didn't know how to break. Dean looked around a little and Sam read the menu card for like the twelfth time. It was weird to have a first date, which was in a way a formal thing, with someone you already knew so well.

Luckily, the food arrived soon giving them their first solid subject to talk about. And fortunately, they slid back into their roles of brothers and started bickering. Dean teased Sam about his vegetarian meal, saying that Sam was a chick for wanting to stay in shape and look pretty, and Sam grimaced at Dean's greasy choice of food, warning him about heart diseases and obesity.

Their banter even went so far that they kind of forgot that they were on a date. Dean remembered again after they finished dinner as he had planned something else. "I thought we could go bowling after dinner if you want?"

Sam smiled brightly and nodded. "I'd love that."

***

The drive to the bowling center didn't take all too long and soon enough they were warming up to play. Dean was going first.

"Step back, watch and learn how it is done."

He got in position and rolled the ball down the alley knocking over half of the pins. With the second try he knocked over another three leaving two standing.

Sam nodded. "Not bad."

Not bad?! They had never went bowling again after that one time back when they were kids. And back then Sam had been a terrible player.

Dean cocked an eyebrow at Sam. "Your turn."

Sam walked up and picked out the most comfortable ball for him before he got in position. He swung his arm gracefully back before throwing the ball smoothly down the lane in a perfectly straight line. All the pins went down. Strike.

Dean's eyes widened. What the... He frowned. "Beginner’s luck."

It was Dean's turn. An open frame again. Sam got another strike. It went on like that up to the fifth frame when Dean finally spoke up.

"Alright. What the fuck? Why are you so good at this? I remember you being a horrible bowler."

Sam shrugged smirking. "College kids love to bowl. We went almost every week. After a while you get the hang of it."

Dean stared. That was so not fair! He didn't pout while he watched Sam get another strike and he also didn't pout when it was his turn and he walked up. He picked a ball up and suddenly Sam was right behind him.

"Let me help you."

Sam put his hands on Dean's hips and turned his body slightly. Then he got hold of Dean's right wrist showing him how to throw best while whispering the instructions into Dean's ear. It was kind of... hot. Dean let Sam lead him and then he got his first strike. Dean grinned.

"I did it!"

Sam chuckled nodding. "You sure did."

Sam didn't help Dean again but he really improved after that, even though he missed Sam's body pressed up against his.

***

After a while though, Dean got bored as Sam was still winning every frame. So he let himself get distracted by the girls playing in the lane next to them and forgot, again, that he was on a date right now. He was used to having Sam around when he picked up chicks. So it was understandable that he forgot, right?

Dean started flirting with them and didn't do a lot to cover it up. Sam tried to ignore it the best he could but it was _their first date_ for god's sake and he had the right to step in.

"Excuse me, ladies. But me and my boyfriend here should get going now. Isn't that right, Dean?"

Dean was confused as hell at first (boyfriend?! Whose boyfriend?!) but that soon turned into anger and he stalked out of the bowling center with Sam.

"What the fuck was that, Sam?!"

"We were- _are_ on a date! Or did you forget that?!"

"So? I was just talking to them!" Dean knew he had been flirting with them but he felt stupid for forgetting that he was with Sam now, so he lashed out instead of apologizing.

Sam glared at Dean and slammed the door shut as he got in the car.

"Hey! Be careful with baby!"

"You're such a fucking asshole, Dean. We were having a great time on our _date_ but you had to go and... and... whatever. It's not like I expected anything else."

"And what's _that_ supposed to mean?! It's not my fault that you're so fucking jealous and overly sensitive! If I had known that going on a date with you meant that I couldn't even interact with other people during it, I wouldn't have asked you out in the first place."

Sam shut his mouth swallowing the words that had wanted to come out until Dean voiced that last part. An eerie quiet fell over them and Dean immediately regretted saying what he had. He sighed.

"Sam. I didn't-"

"Don't." Sam looked out of the window with an expressionless look on his face. The rest of the drive passed quietly.

They didn't sleep in the same bed that night.


	11. Good Things Never Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to one person commenting on the last chapter just a while ago, I finally squeezed in some time to upload this chapter. Those comments really mean a lot, guys <3 I haven't been updating due to uni stress and my Laptop only working sporadically. Hopefully, I'll get a new one for Xmas. Enjoy!
> 
> (PS: From here on there will be no more trigger warnings because I'm quite sure that every chapter from now on - including this one - will have either sexual or violent content.)

Sam and Dean soon realized that not sleeping together was not really beneficial for either of them. They both had their worst nightmares during those nights and kept calling or reaching out for the other one. After little resistance they decided to sleep in one bed again, even though they hadn't made up, per se. But the change of their sleeping arrangement created an illusion of peace which made them forgive each other without ever having talked about the fight.

Sam and Dean then started going out on more dates with each other and each one of them went far better than their first one, simply because they never called it a "date" again.

***

One night they were out drinking when a couple of the guys and girls there started talking about going up into the woods to have some kind of party. Sam and Dean got invited by some girls and they were intrigued enough to agree to go. What harm was there in mingling with the locals a bit? Sam knew the place the girls described to them so Sam and Dean decided to meet the group there.

***

It was pretty late and it was a quiet night up in the woods. The spot they were meeting the others at was a little further up from their cabin. The group made a fire, sat around it drinking cheap beer, giving around joints and laughing at stupid jokes. Soon enough couples started moving away from the group so they could make out with each other in peace.

Sure, Sam and Dean were probably slightly too old for this but they wanted to have fun and they weren't the only older ones, there were few others. It didn't take long for Sam to get tipsy. He's always been an overly cuddly drunk when he happened to be around Dean and in a good mood. And those two things more often than not go hand in hand.

Dean on the other hand could hold his liquor and just watched Sam, whose limbs were draped over Dean's body already, with an amused grin, talk gibberish and laugh happily.

"Dean. Deany. Deanieee."

"Yes! What?"

Sam giggled -  yes, he actually giggled and Dean was so going to use that as blackmail material in the future.

"I love you, Dee."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, yeah. Love you too, man."

"Nooo. Like. I just. I _really_ love you, Dean."

Dean smiled and kissed Sam. It still felt slightly weird if Dean was being completely honest. But it had gotten a lot better. The nagging guilt and feeling of 'wrong' and 'sick' was more like a dull background noise now.

"I know, Sammy."

Sam furrowed his brows in confusion. "But then... then why won't you have sex with me?"

Dean's eyebrows rose. "We do have-"

"No. Not like that. I mean like... why won't you fuck me?"

***

Dean was speechless for a moment. That came out of nowhere. Well... no. Sam was right. They hadn't gone all the way because of Dean. During their make-out sessions, Sam was more than eager to take it further but Dean always stopped it from going too far. Sam had never asked about it, until now that is.

It wasn't that Dean didn't want it - he wanted it so fucking bad - and he knew Sam wanted it too. Maybe he felt like they weren't ready. Maybe, for once, Dean actually cared about the person he was with and wanted their first time together to be special. Yeah, call him a sap or whatever but there were only a few things Dean Winchester cared about and his little brother was the most important one.

But before Dean could answer the now slightly impatient-looking Sam, a scream ripped through the night.

"Guys... Where's C-Clary?"

Fuck.

***

Sam and Dean both sobered up instantly - one of the few things John Winchester hadn't needed to teach them - and jumped up to their feet. They told the civs to stay together and by the fire. Dean got out his gun and Sam slid his knife out of his boot before they moved carefully into the direction the scream had come from.

They were on high alert and Dean felt the thrill of being able to hunt again. He had really missed it. He was one of the few hunters that actually enjoyed killing the baddies to save people. Sam hadn't missed it. Like at all. He was aware of what he had become before Dean’s forced vacation. He finally was with Dean and they were happy - or as happy as they could be considering their lives. Sam wouldn’t- _couldn’t_ let that end now because of his… issues. There was no way.

***

They suddenly heard a noise and Dean gave Sam a look telling him they should split up. They moved closer to the sound from both sides - Sam from behind, Dean walking straight at it - and they could definitely tell that the thing was not human.

It would look very much like a human if you ignored the long sharp teeth being bared as it unhinged its jaw to open its mouth as wide as it would go. It then started sucking the poor girl's soul out. Dean knew what he was looking at and how to kill it, he just hoped Sam did too.

"Hey! Bitch! Why don't you let that girl go and we'll talk about this? Or you know, you scream while I pump you full with some silver bullets."

That did the trick - Dean being obnoxious and saying stupid shit mostly did - and the monster diverted its attention from the unconscious girl to Dean. It laughed.

"Boy, you have no idea what I am, do you? That gun will not help you."

It smirked and started approaching Dean. So he started firing bullets into its body and the thing had been right. It didn't even slow down.

_Come on, Sam._

Dean got backed up against a tree and the monster picked him up by his throat.

"Oh, I can already tell that your soul will taste _delicious_."

***

Dean's vision was starting to fade around the edges and he was going to kill Sam if he didn't show up right the fuck now. Then Sam did and stabbed the fucker in its neck from behind, effectively killing it. Dean fell to the ground wheezing.

"Couldn't you’ve shown up a little earlier to kill this thing?"

"Crocotta."

"What?"

"That thing. It's called a Crocotta."

"Who the fuck cares what its fucking name is! What took you so long?"

At least Sam had the decency to look sheepish. "I had to remember how to kill it."

Dean gave Sam an incredulous look and Sam put on his puppy face. "I know! I know, Dean. And I'm sorry. I promise it won't ever happen again!"

"Yeah, whatever. Let's just get the girl back and burn the damn body." Dean grumbled looking away.

Fuck Sam and those fucking puppy eyes. Got Dean every damn time.

***

After they burned the body they made sure the kids all got out of the woods okay before they returned to the cabin. They both took a quick and thorough shower to get the smell of burnt flesh off and then changed into fresh boxers before climbing into the big king-sized bed.

Dean was still slightly pissed and Sam of course picked up on it, deciding to make it up to Dean. He nuzzled Dean's neck and made him turn onto his back before he straddled Dean and started kissing him.

The kiss was slow and lazy as he started moving his hips down to rub their clad cocks against each other. A faint gasp escaped Dean and he started rutting back. It wasn't enough though. So Sam pulled their dicks out of their confinements and started stroking both of them with his hand, which was nearly big enough to go around both of them. They panted and moaned into each other's mouths having long broken the kiss and soon enough came all over Sam's hand.

They cleaned up with their boxers before throwing them aside. It was quiet for a while, both of them enjoying the afterglow, before Dean spoke up.

"I need to hunt again."

Sam had known that the topic would come up sooner or later -  he had hoped later, though. He had noticed Dean getting more and more restless as the days passed. Dean tried distracting himself by cooking all the meals and cleaning the whole cabin but all that was to no avail. There are only so many times that you can clean the place and cook meals. Dean couldn't just sit around pretending to be "normal" while he knew people out there were dying. People he could've saved.

***

Sam didn't want to hunt. He felt like he got closer to becoming a monster himself each time he killed one. He didn't hate it like he used to as he can now see the positive sides of it better; saving people, making the world a slightly better place, being with Dean. But he was almost certain that there were more negative sides to it.

Sam hadn't taken longer tonight because had forgotten how to kill a Crocotta, no, he took longer because he had gotten flashbacks from before the vacation where he was almost as bad as the monsters he killed. Sam was scared of what might become of him. But he couldn't take this away from Dean. It was basically a part of his personality. So Sam decided to give Dean what he wanted - needed.

"Okay, Dean. Let's hunt again."

***

Castiel frowned.

The Winchesters were going to hunt again? That was not good. Well it was good but that was exactly the problem. They were going to do good and that would outweigh the sin, which they were committing right now, in the end.

Crowley noticed the change in Castiel and realized moments later what the cause of it was. The Winchesters. Of course. What else.

"Just because they're hunting again, doesn't make what they did and still keep doing during those hunts at night, acceptable."

Crowley raised his eyebrows.

"And remember the deal, Castiel. You can't break it. Stop getting all sentimental and let's get back to work. We've got a lot to do."

Castiel scowled at Crowley but did push his thoughts and worries about the Winchesters away so he could concentrate on the more pressing matters at Hand.


	12. Back To Hunting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update?! Hell yes. I'm on a roll ;) Enjoy! (It's a bit of a filler chapter so bear with me. It'll get more interesting soon.)

They packed their stuff by midday and started doing some research trying to find a case. Sam was uncharacteristically quiet but Dean wrote it off to the nightmare Sam had last night. For some reason it was a particularly bad one and Dean had to slap Sam to wake him up. And then Sam had hurried off into the bathroom, where he had been throwing up everything he ate the day before. Dean was worried and even thought about extending their vacation but then decided against it because maybe hunting might even help Sam. It was a constant in their life when they had no other. It would bring Sam back to the present, to the now. Maybe he was being selfish here but he did believe that Sam was okay again with the hunting.

Sam wasn’t.

***

"Dean. I think I found something here. In Jackson, Mississippi three priests and five nuns had been brutally murdered by several different nuns that belong to the same church. And that's within a week."

"Shit. That's fucked up but why should this be our kind of thing?"

"Because", Sam looked up at Dean, who was leaning over Sam - way closer than necessary - to look at the screen of Sam's laptop, before he continued, "the nuns that have committed the crimes remember doing it but they say they had no control over what they were doing. They also might have mentioned black smoke and the smell of rotten eggs."

"Huh."

"Yep."

"Alright. Let's check it out. You can look at weather changes or anything alike on the drive."

"Or..." Sam leaned up to kiss along Dean's jaw. "We could go a little later."

Dean rolled his eyes pulling away. "Come on, Sammy. We've got work to do."

***

The drive took them a couple hours and they arrived by nightfall. Sam found some weather changes that didn't really add up and some other strange behavior among the civs. They decided to talk to the nuns that killed the others first thing in the morning.

For now, they got settled in, in a motel room with one king-sized bed in the middle and started putting up the protection symbols and salted the door and windows. Then they got ready for bed and laid down.

Dean closed his eyes and was about to let himself fall asleep when Sam started kissing his neck. He groaned. "Sam. We have to get up early tomorrow."

"You'll sleep like a baby after this. Promise."

"Someone could hear us."

Sam smirked at that and whispered into Dean's ear: "Then I guess you'll have to be real quiet."

Dean couldn't help the shudder that ran down his spine and the flutter of his eyelids.

Sam chuckled as he let his hand trail down and felt Dean starting to get hard. "Come on, Dean. We don't have to do much. Just want to feel you. Need you. Know you want it too. You can't just take that away from me, Dean. Please." Sam knew that that was a dirty move but he didn't want to lose Dean to hunting. He couldn't.

Dean sighed and moved over to kiss Sam. "Alright. But just quick, okay? I am tired."

Sam nodded and smiled eagerly. They quickly undressed each other and kissed every part of the other's body they could reach as Sam moved on top of Dean and between his legs. Sam moved his mouth down Dean's throat to mark his skin there with a hickey.

Dean moaned and carded his fingers through Sam's hair. He tugged at it a little and was surprised to hear a loud moan and feel a shudder go through Sam. Huh. Looked like someone had a hair-pulling kink. He tugged a little harder and soon he felt Sam's hand between them as he gripped their members and pumped them impatiently. Dean threw his head back giving Sam room to do as he liked while he gripped Sam's hair giving it tugs every now and then.

They moaned and panted as they moved their hips to Sam's strokes. Soon they were burying their faces in each other's neck to stifle the sounds as they came shouting and moaning loudly. Sam stroked them through the aftershocks until they went limp and their cocks were too sensitive.

Sam looked at Dean only to notice that the idiot had actually fallen asleep on him. Great. Now he could do all the cleaning-up himself. He sighed and got up to do that quickly before he fell into bed next to his passed-out brother. He pecked Dean's lips before he let himself fall asleep too.

Dean did sleep like a baby. Sam didn't.

***

They put on their suits in the morning and headed out to speak with the potential victims of demonic possession. After talking with the different nuns in jail, it was clear that it was in fact a demon was at work here. They weren't really sure what this demon was after, as he just seemed to be killing religious people one after the other, but they decided that the best way to catch the demon was to set demon traps all around the church.

Surprisingly, they already got lucky on the second day and trapped the demon successfully. Either this demon had a death wish or it was incredibly stupid by leaving all the clues it did.

***

After they moved and tied the demon to a chair, they strengthened the traps and started interrogating it. Dean was pretty happy to see that the demon wasn't feeling very cooperative. This hunt had been too easy so the demon refusing to answer their questions just gave him the challenge he needed.

Sam stayed back and tried not to watch. He remembered how he tortured those monsters before. He couldn't let himself fall down that hole again. So he let Dean do the work while Sam kept an eye out for any civs but they were almost 100% certain that nobody would find them. Finally, after what felt like hours, the demon started talking, as Dean mentioned Crowley.

"Fuck Crowley! Fuck Hell! If you can still call it that, that is. It's been a long time since Hell had been what it's supposed to be."

So he was a rebel. Made sense as Crowley highly disliked trouble-makers because that would draw attention to them.

"Did Crowley throw you out?"

The demon snorted.

"Right. As if he could afford doing that. He hasn't got enough staff for that. He fucked up Hell and he knows it. We know it, too, and we will throw him off his damn throne. I guess the commotions between his minions made him go against everything we stand for just to keep his throne."

The demon shuddered in disgust.

"That fucker makes me sick!" He spat on the floor to underline that.

"What did he do?"

The demon looked at Sam with an unbelievable look on his face. "You don't know?!" He stared at them and then burst out laughing as no reply came. "You actually don't know!"

Dean growled and poured holy water down the demon's throat. "You better continue talking or I'll start getting creative."

The demon sputtered and coughed but the grin on his face stayed. "Aw. Didn't your angel boyfriend tell you, Dean?"

Sam clenched his jaw slightly as jealousy and possessiveness sparked up in him. Why did everyone have to call Castiel Dean' boyfriend?!

The demon smirked knowingly at Sam but Dean barely registered that and asked: "Tell me what?"

"Tell you that Cassie is now Crowley's BFF."

***

It didn't matter how long and how thoroughly they tortured the demon, it didn't change its’ statement. Apparently, Crowley and Castiel were working together to rule the world or something. Needless to say that Dean didn't believe a word the demon said.

"Last chance, buddy. Either you spill the truth or I'll kill you."

The demon rolled his eyes and then spat blood onto the floor. "You're going to kill me either way. But seriously, what reason do I have to lie to you?"

Sam smirked. "You have a reason to tell us the truth?"

"Yes! I want Crowley fucking dead! I wouldn't tell you about this otherwise. And you really think I didn't pull off this stunt on purpose? I wanted hunters to find me so I could tell them what the perfect angel of theirs was up to." The demon sighed. "I have nothing else to say. I leave it up to you if you believe me or not."

Dean growled and killed the demon. Sam frowned. He felt like the demon was telling the truth. Why else would he make up such a story, be incredibly attention-seeking and go against all the rules Crowley had set?

"You believe him." Dean said accusingly. He could read Sam all too well.

"No, Dean. Of course I don't think it's true but I do think that it can’t all be a lie. I mean, Dean. The last time we saw Cas he had disappeared with Crowley, saying he would take care of him. We have no idea what happened after. We didn't see him again after that, Dean."

***

They didn't talk until they were back at the motel when Sam finally broke the silence.

"I'm sorry, okay, Dean? I just. We should at least check it out."

"He's our friend, dammit!"

Sam sighed. "I know. It doesn't mean that he maybe isn't up to something, though. You know him. He does so much that he thinks is right but ends up doing things... well... not right."

"I'm not gonna believe what a fucking demon said."

"I'm not asking you to."

They stared at each other for a while before Dean left Sam to go take a shower. Sam left him alone for now. He needed that time to think. He looked up as Dean exited a bit later and started packing.

"Take a shower and pack your stuff."

"Where are we going?"

"We're going to find Cas."


	13. An Angel And a Demon Walk Into a Bar...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence/Abuse!

Sam and Dean got in the Impala slamming the doors shut.

Sam sighed. "What now?"

They had tried getting in contact with Castiel for a couple days now and they still hadn't heard a peep from the angel. Summoning Cas hadn't worked for some reason either.

Dean clenched his jaw. "Looks like we'll have to summon Crowley instead."

Dean started the car and took off. He looked like he knew where they were driving to.

"Where are we going?"

"We should summon Crowley somewhere safe and we haven't seen Bobby in a while."

***

They kind of really missed Bobby, considering he was more of a father to them than John ever was. Of course, they met up right after Sam had gotten back but after that...

Sam was slightly panicking at the thought of the older hunter finding out what was going on between the siblings. The drive to Bobby's took them, unfortunately, a couple hours giving Sam enough time to build up his panic. He didn't voice his worries to Dean as he'd just assure Sam that everything would be fine as long as they acted casual.

But... Bobby knew them. He'd just have to take one look at them and he'd be able to tell that something had changed. Bobby was like a father to them and if he found out that his "sons" were fucking (well, not yet actually but you get the point) he'd... God. Sam couldn't even imagine how Bobby would react. But he was sure it would be bad.

He tried to keep his panic under control and he did. That is until they reached South Dakota. Sam was actually biting his nails as they pulled up into Bobby's.

"The hell is up with you, Sam? It's just Bobby."

Sam didn't really get to answer as Bobby already stepped out of the house to greet them. "Sam, Dean. Been quite a while. You idjits could've called once or twice to let me know you were still breathing, you know?"

Dean gave Bobby a sheepish smile. "Sorry Bobby. There was just a lot going on and stuff. And we missed you too."

"Who said anything about missing? Come on."

He walked in and grabbed them each a beer before sitting down with Sam and Dean. "So. What brings you boys here? Dean wasn't really in a sharing mood when he called."

"Yeah, sorry about that too, Bobby. It's uh... It's about Castiel."

Then Sam and Dean started filling Bobby quickly in on things.

***

"So... you think that Castiel is working with Crowley because a demon told you so?"

"We think we should check on Cas and make sure the demon was lying. And because we haven't heard from him in a while."

"He didn't answer any of our calls though."

"So what do you boys want to do now?"

"We thought we'd summon Crowley and see if Castiel did take care of him as he had told us he would."

Bobby frowned and nodded.

After a short silence Bobby eyed them both. "And how are you? Everything good between you two?"

"Oh, you know. Just the usual bickering and stuff. We're good. How about you, old man?"

Bobby quirked a smile at Dean before giving Sam a look as the younger one was squirming a little.

Fuck. Sam knew he'd find out something was wrong. Bobby wasn't stupid. Sam and Dean were probably sitting way too close and touching each other more frequently now.

Sam moved a little away from Dean making Bobby cock an eyebrow before he focused on Dean again. "I'm good. Why don't you boys get some rest before we have a talk with the son of a bitch from hell? I have some things to get done anyway."

***

They got everything ready for the spell and then Dean started summoning Crowley. The demon arrived wearing one of his usual suits and smirk on his face.

"Hello boys. And Bobby." He winked at the older hunter.

Sam got up narrowing his eyes slightly at Crowley. "Why are you still alive?"

Crowley looked up at the pentagram over his head and then smirked. "You could've just called, you know. Do you have at least a drink for me?"

"Crowley, you heard Sam. Answer the damn question."

"Didn't your parents teach you any manners?" As he was met with silence Crowley huffed. "Well, why wouldn't I be alive?"

"Castiel said that he'd take care of you. You're obviously not taken care of."

Crowley chuckled. "Well then shouldn't you be asking _him_ those questions? Oh wait. He isn't answering your calls, is he?"

"How come you think that?"

Crowley just smirked at Dean.

"What have you done to him?!"

"Oh please." Crowley rolled his eyes. "I haven't done anything to your boyfriend."

Sam bristled at that and, unfortunately for him, Crowley noticed.

"Sammy doesn't like it when I call Castiel Dean's boyfriend, huh? Jealous much?"

"What?! Shut up, Crow-"

"Do you two chuckleheads really think we don't know? You think we don't know what you two get up to when the sun goes down? Very, very naughty boys, aren't you?"

Dean held Sam back as he was about to charge at the grinning demon.

"You said 'we'. Who's the other person?"

Crowley chuckled. "You heard right. And it's none other than dear Cassie. He's _my_ angel now."

"I don't believe you."

"You want proof? Here you have it, squirrel."

Suddenly a white light flooded the room and the house started to shake. Dean got a glimpse of a tan trench coat in the light before everything went back to how it was before. Not quite everything though...

"Where the hell is Crowley? Fuck!"

"Was... was that Cas?"

Dean sighed and rubbed his hand over his face.

"I can't believe it. That fucker was actually telling the truth. He works with Castiel! We called him a fucking million times but no reaction. Crowley doesn't even need to call for Castiel and he came in sweeping to save that demon's ass. I can't- That motherfucking asshole!" Dean angrily left the house to, probably, destroy stuff.

Bobby sighed and sat down with a glass of whiskey. "One for you too, Sam?"

Sam shook his head no. "Thanks Bobby."

***

After a while Sam went out to find Dean. As he had expected Dean was beating up one of the cars in the yard.

"Dean."

No reaction.

"Dean!"

Dean dropped the hammer he had been using to destroy the car. "Why? Why would Cas do that? The apocalypse has been stopped. Michael and Lucifer are in the cage. Everything's fine, right?"

Sam sighed. "Dean. We have no idea how things are working out in Heaven. We heard from a demon that Crowley wasn't handling Hell very well. For all we know there could be trouble up in Heaven too."

"Cas would've told us if something was up."

"Dean-"

"No! Don't you dare 'Dean' me. Castiel is our friend! He's... He's family. He wouldn't do this..."

Sam nodded. "Not unless he had no other choice."

Dean blanched at that and then he got furious. He started smashing the car's windows again. Sam couldn't hold it back anymore. It had been at the back of his mind for too long. And maybe it could even end up helping Dean at the moment.

"Do you love him?"

That made Dean stop.

"Are you in love with Castiel?"

Dean stared incredulously at Sam. "Seriously?! That's what you're asking me right now?"

Sam could feel the fury bubbling under Dean's somewhat calm surface. It wouldn't take much to make him boil over and some suicidal part of Sam wanted him to do exactly that.

"Dean. You're fucking behaving like you've been cheated on or something. Just tell me if you have feelings for Castiel."

Sam had expected the punch that came but he didn't move out of its way.

"How dare you make this about yourself?! About us?! How dare you", another punch, "to get jealous over this?! You fucking bastard."

He then really started punching and kicking into Sam, turning him into a bloody mess. Sam didn't move a muscle to stop Dean.

"This is about something so much bigger than you."

Dean straddled Sam who had fallen to the ground and kept throwing punches at Sam.

"You don't trust me. Why don't you fucking believe me when I say I want to be with _you_? We are _together_! And you still get jealous over nothing because you think I am a slut! You think I'm not honest and I'd cheat on you."

By the time Dean was done with Sam, Sam was close to passing out and Dean was drained, no more energy left in his body.

Sam then managed a small shaky smile and muttered: "Feeling better?"

Then he passed out.

***

"They know."

"Well... they just know that we're working together. They don't know what we're planning on doi-"

"Shut up, Crowley. This is your fault."

"Excuse me?! _My_ fault?! What was I suppo-"

"I said shut up!"

Castiel paced the room worrying his lip. This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all. Sam and Dean wouldn't let this go until they found out what Crowley and he were going to do.

"They can't know."

"You know they'll somehow find out eventually."

"Maybe they won't be able to do anything to stop it. They're just human."

"Am I seriously the only one on this god damned planet that doesn't underestimate the Winchesters?! They stopped the bloody apocalypse!"

Castiel had to admit that Crowley did have a point there. But the Winchesters always had help... from angels especially. There were no angels left that could help them. Castiel shared that thought with Crowley.

"Castiel. We can't risk it. There's still a chance that they'll somehow find out and stop us."

"What if they don't?"

Crowley furrowed his brows ready to reply but Castiel kept talking.

"What if they don't stop us? What if they understand that this is the only way?"

Crowley scoffed. "You want to _talk_ to those brain-dead monkeys?"

"Who's underestimating them now?"

Crowley looked at Castiel as if he had lost his mind.

"You do realize that we are talking about Sam and Dean Winchester here, don't you? Do you really think they'd approve of our deal in the least bit? It's a bloody deal between their precious angel and the King of Hell, for fuck's sake!"

Castiel sighed. They couldn't… he wouldn't let any harm come to Sam or Dean, no matter what Crowley said. They've done too much good for this world.

"I won't let Sam nor Dean get hurt."

Crowley groaned out in frustration. "We don't have any options, Castiel! We also don't have time. The lunar eclipse is this week and we can't wait any longer."

Castiel knew Crowley was right.

"And don't forget what they are to each other now. They're brothers _and_ lovers."

Castiel winced at that. So if they were going to go through with their plan... Castiel straightened up as he made up his mind. "I will talk to the Winchesters and make them understand."

Crowley rolled his eyes. "What if they don't?"

Castiel looked at Crowley, anger flashing in his eyes for a second. "Then we'll do it your way."

Crowley grinned. "Deal."


	14. We've Got Nobody But Each Other

Dean had carried Sam inside with the help of Bobby and then patched him up. Bobby didn't ask about how or why Sam looked the way he did and Dean was immensely grateful for that. He didn't want to say out loud that he had beaten up his brother so bad that he passed out. Not that they weren’t used to beating each other up but this was different.

"Get Sam upstairs after he wakes up and get some rest. We'll talk tomorrow. I still need to wrap my head around all of this first."

Dean nodded and stayed by Sam's side until he woke up. Bobby had already gone to his room by then. Dean helped Sam to their room and made him take some painkillers before he tucked Sam in.

"Go back to sleep, Sammy." He stroked through Sam's hair and sighed. "And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have- "

Dean stopped himself and shook his head. What's done is done. Can't change the past now. He gently kissed Sam's forehead before he went to sleep in his own bed.

***

As Dean woke up the next morning, Sam was already awake and using the bathroom. Sam eyed himself in the mirror and winced at the swollen eye, the split lip and his colorful cheeks.

Dean really went all out, didn't he?

The rest of his body was just aching and there were luckily no broken bones or anything too badly bruised. He'd get his pay-back eventually but Dean had needed this yesterday. Although it might’ve been a quite unhealthy way to deal with stuff.

Dean looked up as Sam walked back into their shared bedroom and winced in sympathy. "You look horrible."

"Yeah. You did a pretty good job."

"Look, man. I'm-"

"It's fine. Really. I get it. But don't think that you're just going to get away with this. I’m gonna kick your ass the next chance I get."

Dean smiled a little before he got up. "Bobby wanted to talk to us. Why don't you go downstairs already and I'll join you in a minute."

Sam nodded and got dressed before he headed downstairs and helped Bobby get breakfast ready.

***

"Do I smell bacon and eggs?"

Sam chuckled and nodded as Dean came into the kitchen. They had breakfast in a rather tense silence but luckily they could distract themselves with the quite tasty food. As soon as they finished breakfast though, Bobby burst the safe bubble they were in for a while.

"Boys. We need to talk about yesterday." Bobby obviously felt uncomfortable about what he was about to say.

"Alright..." Dean furrowed his brows looking wary. Sam wasn't looking at either of them as he was already pretty sure what this was going to be about and braced himself.

"Crowley said... well... he hinted that there's... uh... _something_ going on. Between you two. Like. Inappropriate something."

Dean raised his eyebrows. Oh right. He had completely forgotten about that. They couldn't lie to Bobby but... then he'd know. He'd know it too if they lied, though. "Listen Bobby-"

"Crowley told the truth."

Dean's head spun around so fast, he could’ve snapped his neck, to look at Sam.

"Dean and I are... together. We are in a romantic and sexual relationship. I have no idea how Crowley knew but he probably knows it from Castiel who might be watching us."

Bobby stared at them in disbelief. He had heard what Crowley had said and he had seen Sam and Dean's reactions to it but he still hadn't believed it. But now... Sam couldn't have made it any clearer what's between the brothers. He couldn't just ignore this but what was he supposed to do?

Bobby sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. "I need a fucking drink."

Dean and Sam stayed silent and completely still while Bobby poured himself some whiskey and downed it in one go. There weren't many options left to what to do. He loved his boys but this? Could he really accept this? It wasn't right. It was fucked-up. He understood that the Winchesters didn't have easy lives - believe him, he knew - but he... he wanted no part in this.

He slammed the glass down on the counter and didn't look at the brothers as he spoke again. "You have to go."

Dean blinked. What? "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. This is none of my business and you can do whatever you want but I don't want that in my house. Get out. Pack your stuff and leave."

"Bobby-"

"I don't want to hear anything! You admitted it yourself, Sam. I can't look at you and know how I failed you."

He shook his head and then gave Sam a disgusted but at the same time pained look.

"Just pack and go before... before I do or say something that I'll regret."

Dean's look hardened from the pained one he had on before. "Too late for that."

Sam looked down worrying his lip and holding back his tears. Why was Bobby doing this to them? Sam didn't want to lose him too. He had lost so much already. He couldn't... He had to make him understand. "We're not hurting anyone, Bobby."

"I don't care! You might be hurting each other. You might be hurting your parents who are in fucking Heaven watching you. What do I know?! I just can't. What am I supposed to do?! This is... it is fucking incest we're talking about here!"

Incest. They couldn’t deny it. So this was really it then. Dean went silent and then gave the older hunter a curt nod.

"Come on, Sam. We should go. We're obviously not welcome here."

Sam gave Bobby a teary glance trying to plead for Bobby not to do this but the older hunter just averted his eyes. This can't be happening. Sam shook his head and hurried upstairs to get their things together with Dean in tow.

As they came back downstairs Dean handed his duffel to Sam and told him to wait in the car. Sam obeyed not wanting to look at Bobby again. He knew he'd break then. Dean had always looked up to John and considered him a father. Sam never did. So while Dean basically had two dads, Sam only had one that he rarely saw. And now even that was ripped away from him. Nothing good ever stayed in his life. He just wanted to... go away. Be alone and not be able to feel anything.

Dead.

Dean stared at their surrogate father almost hatefully. There were a lot of things Dean wanted to ask and say. Like how Bobby could do this? Explain why they were doing this. Show that they weren't abusing each other. Show how much better it was this way. There were a lot of things but in the end he just said one thing before he left.

"Goodbye Bobby."

***

They drove for hours in silence before Dean pulled into the parking lot of a motel. "We'll have to start hunting angels and demons to try finding out what Cas and Crowley are up to."

Sam nodded and stayed in the car while Dean got them a room.

After they got settled in they started searching for cases involving either angels or demons. They were engrossed in their research as suddenly Castiel appeared in the middle of the room making Sam and Dean jump and grab for the nearest weapon.

"Hello Dean... Sam." He gave them each a nod in greeting before he spoke again. "I have to talk to you."

Dean glared at him crossing his arms. "Where were you when we called you?"

"I... I was busy. I apologize for not answering sooner."

Castiel frowned as he saw Sam's beaten up face and went over. He touched Sam's forehead and healed him. He didn't miss how both Winchesters tensed up as he walked up to Sam. As if he was a threat. He sighed.

"You already know that I'm working with Crowley."

Dean scoffed. "Yeah. Not from you, though."

"I want to explain, Dean. Please try to understand. I had no other choice."

"You always have a choice."

"Not this time, Dean. After Lucifer and Michael had been sent to the cage, there was utter chaos in Heaven. They needed someone to lead them. A lot of the angels looked up to me for guidance, some looked for God but I know that He's gone. I didn't want to be a leader but they wouldn't listen. Most of the angels can't exist without guidance and they chose me to help them. I'm just barely an angel though, a seraph. I can't lead them without having any... power. I'm not as strong as I used to be."

Dean furrowed his brows at that. This must be where Crowley comes into the picture.

"I needed to get more powerful for my brothers and sisters. Crowley offered me a deal that would benefit the both of us. He needed more power, too, to rule Hell and I'd rather have him rule Hell than some other demon that I don't know and can’t control."

Alright, Cas had a point there but still... working together with a demon?!

"We can get more powerful by taking souls. There are souls in Heaven and Hell which are the sources of our power but if there was a way to get more souls for ourselves, we'd get more powerful."

Dean almost growled. "Don't tell me you started making deals with humans too, like Crowley."

"No, Dean. I didn't want to steal souls from Earth. That... wouldn't be right. There's another way. There's another place that contains souls. Souls those aren’t human. The souls of monsters. They're kept in Purgatory."

Sam's eyes widened. "So that's where monsters go to when we kill them?"

Castiel was surprised to hear the younger Winchester speak up. He had seemed very... withdrawn and closed-off. He nodded.

"Yes, exactly. There are tens of millions of souls in there. Crowley and I made a deal to open Purgatory and take five million souls each to make us just powerful enough. Dean, Sam, we're not hurting anyone. This is just to help us rule Heaven and Hell. Not destroy Earth or anything alike."

Dean shared a look with Sam before they looked back at Castiel.

"Castiel, that isn't right. Those souls belong there in Purgatory."

"Sam's right. And what if you want more, huh? Power can consume even the best of us. Power isn't something you can play with. You can't control it. You should know that."

"I have thought about this, Dean. I know what I'm doing. I'm doing this for my family. I need to do this."

Dean shook his head. "We won't allow it. This isn't right. This isn't you, Cas. You don't have to be a leader to them. You can just help them by being their friend. You can guide them by being their equal."

Castiel looked away slightly frustrated. "Dean, you don't understand. Angels don't work like humans. Heaven doesn't work like Earth. Why can't you just stay out of this? For once?"

"Because we care about you."

"Because it's wrong! And it will affect Earth and the humans too, no matter what you might say. We won't allow something so wrong to happen."

Castiel couldn't make Dean understand and it seemed like this time Sam was undoubtedly on Dean's side.

"Dean's right. There are too many risks, Castiel. Just imagine what Crowley could become. We can't let him get so strong and... and we don't want you to change either. Please don't make us go up against you."

"It's already decided. We'll do it tonight and you can't change anything about that. Either you will accept this or..."

Sam sighed and Dean got up from the bed.

"I'm sorry, Cas. We can't accept this. It's wrong."

"You owe me this! After everything I've done for you. After I even brought your brother back for you, Dean! And I even ignored the sin you two are living in now."

Dean wasn't surprised to hear that Cas knew about them sleeping with each other but the other part?!

"Wait. Hold on for a second. You pulled Sam out of the cage?!"

Castiel calmed himself down before he nodded. "I got you your brother back. I went to Hell and back for you, twice. The least you can do for me is not to interfere with things you don't understand. You owe me this much, Dean."

Dean sighed and looked at Cas in disappointment and... pain. He didn't want to fight his friend. "Why didn't you come earlier to us?"

Castiel slumped in defeat. He could tell that it was over. Dean would fight him no matter what. The angel disappeared with the sound of wings fluttering.


	15. One Last Time...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I didn't manage to finish uploading last year BUT now I have a new computer and only 1 chapter + epilogue to go. So enjoy!

"Castiel got me out of the cage."

Dean nodded still not believing what the angel had told them. Dean had asked Castiel to help him but he hadn't answered then so he had assumed... How did he even manage that if he was just an angel?

"Dean, what if he lost power because of me? What if he's doing this because it cost him a lot of power to get me out?"

Dean furrowed his brows. "You don't honestly think that Castiel making a deal with Crowley was your fault?! If it was anyone's fault but Cas' own, it was mine."

Sam looked a little taken aback by that. Why would any of this be Dean's fault?

"I kept praying to him. Every night. I asked him to bring my brother back."

"But... you were with Lisa."

"Yeah. Because you asked me to. I didn't want her. I wanted my brother."

Dean huffed in surprise as Sam threw his arms around his neck and hugged Dean. Huh. Well that was new and not very Sam-like.

"I missed you, Dean."

Dean closed his eyes and hugged Sam back as he heard the scared little boy in that voice again. "I missed you too, kiddo."

"I kept calling out for you and it was the only thing keeping me from going crazy while Michael tortured me-"

Dean pulled back to look at Sam. "Wait. What did you just say?"

"Um... The thought of you was the only thing keeping me sane while Michael tortured me...?"

"Michael was the one torturing you? Not Lucifer?"

Sam sighed and nodded in confirmation. "Most of the time it was Michael. He kind of went insane in there. Lucifer already knew how it was to be stuck in the Cage, you know."

So... Michael broke like Dean did in Hell. Probably faster and worse because his... anger and despair was solely focused on Sam. Dean couldn't even imagine how bad it must've been for his brother.

"Whatever, Dean. It's in the past and we're fine now", Sam said decidedly. He was not fine. Far from it but he knew that with the help of his brother he could get through this. He was working on his appetite – or the lack of it - and his thirst for killing had slowly died down too. He would be okay but right now there were more important things to focus on. "But Cas isn't and we need to find out where they're doing this ritual to open Purgatory."

Dean nodded in agreement. "Should we try summon a demon to question it?"

Sam shrugged. "It's our best shot."

***

After questioning demon after demon and getting _nothing_ , Sam and Dean were very close to giving up. None of the demons were high-rank enough to know what Crowley was up to and none of them knew which demon could know about Crowley's plans. They killed most of the demons as the meat-suits were all basically dead and getting rid of those bodies was starting to get _really_ annoying, too.

"I give up. This is fucking hopeless."

Sam sighed and rubbed his eyes. He was just as frustrated as Dean but they couldn't give up. Not this time. "Let's take a quick break. We haven't eaten anything today and you're probably starving."

"Not hungry."

"Me neither, to be honest." But Sam was almost never hungry after he got back from Hell so that didn't really count. He got up and got changed. "Come on. Let's get some food in you."

They drove to the nearest diner to eat. Sam was mostly just pushing his food around but he tried his best while Dean devoured his burger as if he had never eaten a burger before.

Just then a waitress walked over to them, notepad and pen ready.

"We're good, thanks."

"Winchesters." She smirked and cocking her hip to the side. “Don’t tell me you already forgot me.” Her eyes twinkled.

Sam and Dean quickly grabbed their weapons but kept them hidden under the table. The hybrid alpha from one of their first hunts together after Sam came back. Fuck. They should’ve been more careful but Dean was dangerously hurt.

"Ah I knew you wouldn’t forget me that easily. After all we did get to know each other quite a bit.” She let her eyes roam over Dean’s body making Sam let out an almost feral growl. She chuckled. How delightful it was to tease them. “Anyway. Unfortunately, I can’t chat much, boys. I’m here to strike a deal with you. And before you interrupt me like you men like to do, hear me out. I heard you wanna stop what Castiel and Crowley have planned and I want to help you. I know where they will be doing it and I will tell you.” She winked playfully. She was pretty smart to do this in a public place because Sam and Dean wouldn't want to draw attention to them.

"How would you even know that?"

"Crowley has a few alphas working for him and I happen to be one of them. A girl’s gotta get around. Anyway I overheard them talking about the location but I couldn’t quite decipher what they were saying. Turns out their conversations are spell-protected. So I got my trusty witch to help me out and tadaa!" She presented a blank piece of paper to Dean. "The address they'll be at when they do the ritual will appear on it in a couple hours. You will have just enough time to get there. And it won't help you if you try to interrogate me as I don’t know where this is going to happen either."

“Right. And what’s in it for you?”

“You’re the Winchesters and you saw my face. I know you will come for me one day or another so consider this a way out. You leave me be and you get the information you need.”

“Why should we trust you?”

“You shouldn’t. But this is your only lead so either take it or leave it.” She shrugged as if this whole thing was completely indifferent to her but they knew she was scared of them and that she wouldn’t risk this if it wasn’t for real. Or a trap.

Dean took the piece of paper and watched her smirk one last time before she walked away. Then he looked over to Sam raising his eyebrows.

"You think that bitch was telling the truth?"

Sam shrugged. "Even if she wasn't, it's not like we have a lot of other options. Nobody can help us. No demon nor angel know about this deal."

"Well, then it's a trap."

"It'll most likely be a trap but he have to find them and if we're lucky, Crowley is actually luring us there."

Dean had almost no choice but to agree with Sam. And even if they got there too late, better they got there at all, than not. If Crowley did manage to get more powerful, they'd be dead anyway. They have nothing left to lose. Even Bobby had said his goodbyes to them. They were truly alone this time and they both knew that this was too huge for them. So what-the-fuck-ever.

"Alright. Let's wait and hope this werepire thing wasn't lying to us." Because trusting a monster was the only way they could go now.

***

They finished eating and then they headed back to the motel where they dug up everything on Purgatory they could. Purgatory was created to punish souls that needed punishment but there was hope in Purgatory, unlike in Hell. Purgatory existed to cleanse souls from their earthly sins. But there wasn't a lot more to find out about it.

Then Sam suddenly got up and walked over to Dean.

"Dean."

Sam looked frustrated and pained but also like he needed… something. Sam didn't need to explain. Dean got it. It was now or never, so Dean got up too and cupped Sam's face before he kissed him gently.

It was different from all the other times and that was the point. They slowly undressed each other, still kissing, eyes barely open. Sam pushed Dean down onto the king-sized bed and moved on top over Dean.

He started kissing along Dean's jaw and down his neck. Dean sighed and closed his eyes carding his fingers through Sam's silky hair. Sam licked over Dean's hardened nipples before he made his way down leaving a trail of kisses on Dean's skin, treating him as if he was something precious and breakable. Sam kissed the bruises and scars that hunts had left on Dean's body but he completely ignored Dean's half-hard cock, though.

It wasn't about that now. Not yet anyway.

But Dean couldn’t take the loving but teasing touches for much longer.

"Sammy, please. I need you."

Sam nodded and he reached to his duffel to get the lube and condom out. They both had perfected the ability to ignore the sense of wrongness and guilt they felt but they couldn't deny that it still was there.

Dean was nervous. Sure, he had been with guys before but he had never gone all the way. He grabbed Sam's wrist to tell him to go slow but no word came out. Luckily, Sam knew his brother. Sam smiled softly, understanding Dean without needing to hear the words and kissed Dean reassuringly.

He then coated one of his fingers with lube and gently pushed it inside. The prepping was awkward and strange but Dean tried his best to stay relaxed and accept the intrusion. He couldn't help it though, as his erection started to go soft.

Sam noticed and as he added the second finger he curled his fingers trying to find that sweet spot that he knew was there. Sam smiled as Dean's eyes shot open and he cried out in pleasure.

"Sam, do- do that again."

And Sam did. He kept massaging the prostate until Dean was a babbling, writhing mess on the bed. Soon after, Dean was spurting his come over his torso. Sam quickly cleaned Dean up before he went back to opening Dean up. The prepping went easier now that Dean's body was relaxed from the orgasm.

As Sam was done prepping Dean, he rolled the condom on and lined himself up at Dean's hole. He looked up a little unsure and Dean gave him a smile. "Ready."

Sam nodded and slowly, ever so slowly, pushed inside. Fuck. Dean was so tight. Sam clenched his eyes shut and kept moving slowly, even though his whole body was shaking from the effort.

It hurt. It was fucking painful but Dean bit his lip and held on to Sam. He felt like he was being ripped apart. Dean couldn't help the small whimper as Sam finally, after what felt like hours, bottomed out.

They were both gasping and sweating as if they had ran a marathon.

"Just- Just wait a sec."

Sam nodded but it took all his willpower to not thrust in and out of the tight heat of Dean's body. He felt so good around Sam. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold on for long.

It felt so... strange. Dean was so full. No wonder, considering Sam was hung like a fucking horse. He obviously hadn't gotten hard again but at least it looked like Sam enjoyed it. Well, it looked like Sam was going to die if he didn't get to move soon so Dean concentrated on relaxing and after a while he gave Sam the nod telling him he could move.

Sam looked as if a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he pulled out a little before he pushed back inside. The thrusts started out slow and careful but turned harder and more sure as Sam figured out a rhythm that both of them enjoyed.

It was still weird, sure, but the closeness felt... good. He felt connected to Sam and he wanted that more than anything. He wrapped his arms around Sam's neck pulling him down into a deep kiss, as it happened. Dean's back arched off the bed letting out a loud moan as white hot pleasure shot through him.

Sam chuckled. "Looks like I found your prostate again."

"Again. Please."

"My pleasure." Sam adjusted his position and started thrusting mercilessly into Dean.

Dean gasped, moaned and writhed on the bed grabbing the sheets as the pleasure started building up inside of him again. This felt even better than Sam's fingers. It felt fucking amazing and within few minutes he was rock-hard again.

"Sam. Please. More." Dean couldn't help the whine that accompanied the plea.

"Didn't know you were"

_Thrust_

"the kind"

_Gasp_

"to beg."

_Moan_

Dean pulled him down again and kissed him roughly.

"Shut up and fucking fuck me."

Sam huffed smirking. "Bossy bottom."

Dean growled but didn't really get the time to say anything in response because Sam shifted his hips a little and just hit that spot perfectly over and over again making Dean almost come.

"Fuck. Sam. I'm so clo- Ah."

Sam groaned and picked up his pace. He wanted Dean to come first. Not because of some macho-thing, but because he wanted to make sure Dean was taken care of before he allowed himself to come.

"Come on, Dean. Let go. Be a good big brother."

And that was Dean's undoing. His orgasm hit him hard and he came untouched all over his stomach, moaning Sam's name.

It didn't take Sam much more than Dean tightening around his cock and hearing his name before he followed Dean with his own orgasm. They rode out the aftershocks before they collapsed on the bed.


	16. ...Before It All Ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST CHAPTER!!! (there's an Epilogue don't worry)
> 
> Enjoy!

Dean reached over to check the time after they caught their breaths but instead of his phone, his fingers came in touch with the paper slip the hybrid had given them. He looked at it expecting it to be still blank but to his surprise it wasn't.

He shot off the bed, startling Sam into sitting up.

"What is it?"

"The address. It appeared like the hybrid alpha said it would."

"What? Where is it?" Sam got out of bed too.

"Not far. If we go now, we'll be there just before midnight, I think."

"The ritual. It will probably happen around midnight."

They hurriedly got dressed and packed their stuff before they left the room, got in the car and started driving. Sam was already looking up the exact location of the address as Dean sped down the road. They had to get there in time. Sam wanted to do something to calm his nerves and keep himself busy but after he had found the warehouse Cas and Crowley were supposedly going to be in, there wasn't much he could do but lean back and wait.

***

"Castiel, it's time. We should go prepare the ritual." Crowley scowled as he got no reaction from the angel who was staring into nothing.

"Castiel? Castiel, don't tell me you're having second thoughts."

Castiel looked up at that, startled out of his thoughts.

"No. Of course not." He got up. "Let's go."

Actually Castiel _was_ having second thoughts. What if the brothers were right and he was doing something wrong? What if the power would be too much? What if Crowley ruling Hell wouldn't be such a good idea after all? What if... But now it was too late for that. The doubts wouldn't leave his mind so he just pushed them down and ignored the voice - that sounded very much like Dean’s - inside his head that said he shouldn't do this.

Castiel and Crowley teleported themselves to the warehouse they had picked out and started preparing the ritual. The smeared the symbol onto the grey wall and set up the candles. They also had demons guarding every entrance so nobody could interrupt them.

Crowley checked the time and nodded.

"We have to do it now."

Suddenly they heard some commotion outside and as they looked up to the door the Winchesters stormed in wide-eyed and panting.

Fuck!

***

They arrived ten minutes before midnight and parked just around the corner to not get spotted. Dean got out of the car before the motor was even off.

“Dean! Wait a second!” Sam cursed and followed his brother outside and to the back of the car where he was readying the grenade launcher. Sam rolled his eyes stopping Dean’s movements by grabbing his wrists. “Dean. Being loud and going in there guns blazing is _not_ a good plan. It will just alarm them and give Crowley and Cas time to prepare or get the ritual done before we get to them. We have to be smart about this.”

“You got a better plan?” They already had this discussion in the car and Sam hadn’t thought of anything yet there.

“Actually, yes. Quiet and stealthy. I distract them, you kill ‘em. Come on.” Sam didn’t even wait for Dean’s reply knowing his plan was the best shot they had. And he was right. Dean followed and they took the demons out one by one like had done more often than any other hunter.

Unfortunately, the last ones caused a bit of trouble and they feared they alarmed the two power-hungry beings behind the last door. They ran towards it and inside to find them standing there staring back. And the most important part, not having done the ritual yet. They did it!

***

"Dean? Sam? How did you-"

"Crowley should be more careful with who he hires in the future." Dean smirked holding up the Colt.

"Castiel, don't do this. Please. Just think about this." Sam still believed they could change Castiel’s decision and Castiel nearly broke under the pleading gaze of his friend but Crowley intervened by sending the Winchesters flying to the other side of the room.

Castiel winced as he heard the fragile human bones break.

"Dean wasn’t quite right with his assumption. You monkeys are here because I wanted you to be.” Castiel looked at Castiel. “I got them here because you need see that they don't belong on Earth."

Crowley stepped up to the angel and touched his forehead showing him what Sam and Dean did just before they left the motel room. Sam and Dean having sex. Castiel shook his head feeling betrayed. They wouldn't... no.

"Castiel, just look at them."

He did and Castiel couldn't help but see their tainted but glowing souls. Their relationship how it was right now was killing them but also healing old wounds. Crowley was right. Why would they? They knew it was wrong! He needed to end this right now. He would be doing them a favor. Castiel clenched his jaw and nodded. "Let's do it."

"Cas, no..." He barely heard Dean's weak plea.

Crowley smirked satisfied and grabbed the Colt and the Angel blade that had fallen from the boys’ hands – just in case. Being prepared for a Winchester appearance had its perks. When the ritual was done, he could finally have the Winchesters' souls too. He couldn't wait to torture them the way he wanted to.

Castiel and Crowley stood in front of the sigil they had drawn with the blood of a virgin mixed with the blood of someone who has escaped Purgatory before they start chanting the spell:

 

_Ianua Magna Purgatorii_

_Clausa Est Ob Nos_

_Lumine Eius Ab Oculis_

_Nostris Retento_

_Sed Nunc Stamus Ad Limen Huius_

_Ianuae Magnae Et Demisse_

_Fideliter Perhonorifice_

_Paramus Aperire Eam_

_Creaturae Terrificae Quarum Ungulae_

_Et Dentes Nunquam Tetigerunt_

_Carnem Humanam Aperit Fauces_

_Eius Ad Mundum Nostrum Nunc_

_Ianua Magna_

_Aperta Tandem!_

The blood-sigil started glowing brighter and brighter with each word. The light got too bright for the humans' eyes and Sam and Dean had to cover their eyes from the blinding sight. Then a hole opened up where the sigil had been and light - no - souls started flowing out of it. The demon and angel opened their mouths and started swallowing those souls. They didn't stop. They just kept taking more and more, the power overflowing their senses.

"Cas! Stop! You have to stop, please!"

Dean's cries were futile as it seemed like Cas didn't even hear him. They didn't stop until each and every soul was in them.

Purgatory was empty.

They had emptied Purgatory of its souls.

The gates to Purgatory closed and the former angel and former demon turned around to look at the Winchesters. Their eyes were glowing - Castiel's blue, Crowley's red - and they looked scarily emotionless.

"I am the new God, ruler of Heaven." Even Castiel's voice sounded different. "I will not accept what you've done. Your sin will be punished."

Castiel walked over to them, his posture uncomfortably straight.

"But you have done a lot of good for this world, too. I am going to take that burden off of you. You are not needed on Earth anymore. I will allow you to be in Heaven because I am merciful."

"Castiel, I wanted their sou-"

"They're mine!" Castiel's voice boomed making Crowley almost wince. The ex-demon nodded and then disappeared leaving Sam and Dean to Castiel. He could convince Castiel to give him their souls later.

"Please, Castiel. Don't do this."

"Cas, you can't. We're family."

Castiel smiled almost fondly at them. "I am being generous. You should be thanking me, human." He pulled out his angel sword. "It seems only right that your lives will be the last ones this sword will take."

Dean tried to struggle but Castiel was way too powerful. His gaze was enough to keep them completely still.

"Your death will be painful and that will be your punishment."

A heart-shattering cry escaped the younger brother, echoing through the room as Castiel sunk the sword into Dean's stomach. Blood started to run out of the wound and stain Dean's shirt. Castiel pulled the blade out and moved over to Sam doing the same and making tears slide down Dean's pale cheeks.

"Cas-"

"I am God. Your angel Castiel is gone. Forever."

Cas - no - God put the sword down between the brothers and after giving them one last look he disappeared.

Sam and Dean laid on the cold floor looking at each other. The locked gazes weren't enough though. They both needed the comfort of touching the other's skin. They reached out with the last of their energy until their fingertips were touching.

The blood flowing out of their wounds mixed, creating one pool of blood around them. Their breaths started to get shallower and their eyes got heavier with each second that passed. It would be over soon.

"Dean?"

The other made a small noise and Sam coughed up blood before he spoke again. He needed to say this. Dean needed to hear this even if he already knew.

"I- I love... you, De."

Dean managed a small bloodied smile at that.

It broke and warmed Sam's heart at the same time.

"I love you, too, Sammy." He rasped and winced in pain. "See you on... the flipside." He wheezed. "Bitch."

Sam huffed almost a laugh and then coughed. He got together the last of his strength and breathed:

"Jerk."

Then everything went black.


	17. Epilogue

"Hey, jerk. Scoot over." Sam handed Dean his beer and squeezed himself onto the couch next to Dean.

"Make me, bitch." Dean grinned but Sam ignored his comeback in favor of focusing on the TV screen.

"What's on?"

"Game of Thrones. Where we left off."

"Awesome." Sam had read all the books now and was ready to watch the show. They shut up as soon as the episode started but did comment on the things that happened on screen.

***

Sam laughed, surprised as Harley ran into the living room and jumped up onto the couch and into their laps.

"Hey buddy!"

Sam grinned and pet his slobbering best friend while Dean grumbled about the beast getting their clothes all hairy.

"Don't listen to him, Harley. He loves you."

Sam grimaced as Harley barked and licked over his face but then burst out laughing at Harley's obvious happy look.

"I don't love him." Dean protested but he couldn't help the small smile that appeared on his face.

Sam frowned at the comment and Harley jumped back down onto the floor where he got comfortable to sleep at their feet.

Dean smirked. "I love the other hairy beast in this house."

Sam gave Dean his Bitchface number 9 before he gave him a big smooch on the lips.

"Dude! Gross! You smell like dog!"

Sam smiled mischievously at that and tackled Dean to the couch to pepper him with kisses and tickle him so Dean would screech like a girl. And Dean did, while he tried - not really - to get Sam off of him.

Soon they stopped the tickle-fight and just smiled at each other stupidly before Sam leaned down and kissed Dean softly.

"Let's move this to the bedroom."

Sam agreed only too willingly.

The feeling of wrongness they used to have was completely gone now.

***

God watched the Winchester soul-mates in Heaven and thought about how they actually belonged to Hell for the sin they were still living in. And that in the holiest of all places.

But the good they had done for this world was easily more than enough to outweigh this one sin. He had to keep reminding himself of that. He had allowed their souls into Heaven after all.

He was... It was good that the brothers were finally happy. They deserved it, he supposed.

"Castiel, if you are done watching your monkeys, we have some paperwork to discuss and sign."

The former seraph turned around to face Crowley, the ruler of Hell, who was wearing his usual black attire and his trademark smirk on his face. He teleported them to their usual meeting room on Earth and sat down across from the demon.

"You know, Castiel. I still would love to have the Winchesters down in Hell. I could offer you so much. Like how about a-"

"That won't be necessary. And don't call me Castiel. I am not him anymore. Now. I thought we had some matters about Earth to discuss and deal with?"

Crowley rolled his eyes. Castiel - and no, Crowley wouldn't call him God - was way too possessive about those boys. But he didn't argue and started on the actual reason for the meeting.

So there they sat at a wooden table.

Discussing the rules for the creatures of Heaven and Hell on Earth.

The God of Heaven and the King of Hell.

While the saviors of humanity made love in Heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it!  
> Thank you for everyone who stayed and read the whole thing. I'm sorry for taking so long to finish this one. I promise it won't be the same with my next work ^^"  
> I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Leave kudos if you liked it and let me know what you thought in a comment! :)


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